She held a gun against my head. I had a feeling that this was going to be it. I just closed my eyes and surrendered to what was going to happen. I waited, the gun went off. I felt a blow to my head and felt the blood running down my neck. I fell over on my face and everything began to go black. But, then I became aware that this was just a dream. I grabbed for the gun and took it away from her. I grabbed her by the throat and began to drag her as I got up and walked away. I had no harsh feelings for her, she was just a character, a prop in this unconscious experience. The awareness of the dream became stronger and I woke up. My body was shaking, but my mind was calm. I thought it was odd that my body shook almost uncontrollably, but my mind was still and observant. I lay there and began to smile as I thought about what had happened and observing my calm and content emotional state. I was unmoved and unconcerned. My body became relaxed and I fell back asleep unconcerned about the dream I just experienced. I woke up a few hours later remembering the dream and its significance.
With some of the things that I am doing within the reality of my existence, I am again seeing the edges of this reality. The amount of control I have in the creation of my daily activities is fascinating, and also very humbling. The moment I acknowledge my part in the manifestation of events in my reality I am reassuring myself of the possibility of it. I am like a child beginning to walk and move about. I am no longer confined to the crib of my benightedness. My new awareness is changing me (whoever I am). The habits that have kept me here (wherever here is) can no longer be tolerated. Whatever that inhibits my ascension is becoming detestable; a part of me that I no longer know. I am again dancing on the edge of this level of consciousness. I see people that I don’t normally see. The attractive ones that stand out. The ones that I feel or sense as they enter my conscious cloud.
The spooks (nameless minions sent to scare me) are making themselves seen, but they don’t bother me. I know who they are and the purpose they serve, but they are unable to override my feeling of content and my overall sense of well-being. They come by and present themselves, but I have little fear or worry. The awareness of dreaming that I had experienced in the dream I mentioned above is similar. There is a part of me that takes over and I realize that there is nothing to be afraid of. This is all just an unconscious dreamworld, I can no longer deny this. I refer to our waking reality as an unconscious experience, because it fits. This reality is so far from being conscious that we no longer know what it is to be conscious.
I have recurring thoughts that I might have died on my way through the void. There are other events in my life that I might not have survived, but consciousness continued as if nothing had happened. The vibrational string of my life continues. The many permutations of my creation expanding as the universe of my consciousness expands. One thread ends, another begins and I never know it happens. But, I can now see the truth in it. I can see that there is no end. There is an end to this delusion though and it begins with the realization that there is no end.
We are eternal. Aging and death are just ways that consciousness gives us another chance to get it right. We spend too much time trying to get ahead when we should be trying to go beyond this reality.
I am starting to put it all together. One action causes a reaction within my conscious cloud and I am better able to interpret the meaning. I am learning what I need to do from consciousness itself. As I continue to tear down the veil of this delusion I see the flaws. What I have been perceiving as real is falling apart and the flaws can no longer be set aside. It is as if the once perfect performance (theatrical) of this reality can not longer stand up to the scrutiny of my new awareness. I am driven by my dissatisfaction of this existence. I occasionally find myself fighting off a desire for retribution, to find those that have worked so hard to keep me here in this deprived state for so long and release my discontent upon them. I hope that those feelings will continue to fade.
I am diligently trying to hack this reality. It is as if I am manipulating my conscious awareness, knowingly altering my state of being, ultimately altering my state of vibrational existence. I have taken the blue pill and I am entering a state where everything (everything) is possible and nothing is real.
More still to come…