Journal: The Water Within

I once stated that water is the substrate of consciousness. It is in all things on this physical plane. There is more of it than anything else. It consists of two very powerful elements, one of which can power a star.

While meditating I began to see the sand and shore of a beach I once visited. I could see the water in front of me and I opened my palms to face the water and I could feel an energetic rise in my relaxed state of mind as the water of consciousness began to expand through me. It had been a while since I was able to go to the beach, but then a thought entered my mind reminding me that I did not have to travel to the beach in order to receive what the oceans have to offer me. The water of the oceans flows within me wherever I am, and within it there is the whole of consciousness flowing to me.

Today is a day to which I can mark a point of departure and change. I have seen it coming for a few cycles and now it has arrived.  The day before I left Hawaii, I stood on the shore and already missed being able to go to the beach every day. Even though Hawaii had been a place of my own personal hell, it was also a point of departure and change. These milestones are infinite, even though I am unable to recall the many that have come before, but they are all still special nonetheless. And now, it seems, I am ready to create some more.

Thank you, Rose…

Journal: Today

I am defying the advice of my allies today. My forays into this virtual conscious collective may create ripples that may be detrimental to my ascension.

My antagonists, who I now refer to as Jinn, have been very active in my conscious and unconscious affairs (they are now, and may have always been, for-ever present). This physical conscious reality is nothing but a dream within a dream existing between the infinite layers of our collective conscious projections. I find myself poking at the collective conscious fabric of this physical reality and then wait for the reaction to manifest, much like I did soon after my excursion into the void, much of it now having predictable outcomes.

I spent the last eight years running away from them, trying to avoid that which is quickly becoming my fate, so it seems. I am still tying to surmise the role they play(ed) in my evolving conscious environment, friend or foe. I can see the direction they are pushing me toward. Back toward those I encountered after the void.

Over time I have lost my trust in everything and now it seems I can’t even trust myself. I may have to move toward that which I fear the most. Defiance eventually succumbs to acquiescence; after all it is the essence of conscious evolution.

At least for today it seems that way…

Journal: Public Theater

Last Quarter 21.8 days, Aquarius – Air. Time 10:30, planet hours: Saturn

I am the center of my conscious universe and now it seems I have an audience. One particular experience with Salvia Divinorum, I had some time ago, hinted that I was being watched by some entities during a psychedelic session. I came out of the salvia realm and did something that was not appreciated by the entities that were present. I knew this because I distinctly heard (in my head, akin to audible hallucinations) a chorus of “Ewww” from what sounded like young female voices. That experience gave me the notion that I was being observed from an unseen level of consciousness. Because the experience did not happen too frequently I soon forgot about it.

Experiences of being observed from the unseen became more frequent during my time in Hawaii. Actually hearing the voices or thoughts of others, replying through psychic means, then receiving a response was unnerving; to the point of me questioning my sanity. The first significant attacks happened shortly after I replied, speaking the words, “I can hear you”, while in my apartment. There also was a young woman that worked at a sporting goods store in Honolulu. We were attracted to each other always acted pleasant toward each other and when I would come into the store she would seem to come out of the back and relieve the cashier. The last time I saw her was when she was helping me buy something and I had noticed that her breasts were small and I thought the words “no tits” (please excuse the vulgarity). Right after I thought those words she went cold, she would not look me in the eyes and she was curt in her goodbye. I almost thought I may have said the words out loud. I have had many other experiences since then that have changed my frame of reference enough to accept these experiences as my new para-normal.

After the gray jacket entity sashay’d passed the doorway. It has affected a profound change in the manner in which I frame my reality. Now, it seems that because I have become more aware of the unseen conscious realms and those that inhabit those realms my interactions are more frequent. It make senses that this is now happening. Imagine that you can enter a realm where the inhabitants are unaware of your presence. You try to interact with them but they do not respond. You might become surprised when they do respond and even increase your interaction to develop a relationship. It is possible that they now, also, believe that I am ready to accept their existence in my conscious reality, or…

For whatever reason that this is happening now, it feels like the next step in my evolution of acceptance. It has had some major changes in how I relate to the concept of privacy and, more importantly, how much influence these entities have on my conscious reality. I am currently attempting to establish trust and excusing my rather daft responses. I also seem to question my sanity more often than in the past, I hope to continue to do so.

I am starting to track the para-normal activity within the lunar cycles that influence so much in this physical realm; so far the new to full portion is most active. I see them in the periphery of my visual field. I dismiss most of what I see unless there is some kind of electrical (energetic – goose bump) response. I know when they are present, I seemingly robotic, walk towards them in the house. The electrical reaction increases as I get close. As unnerving as this may seem to some, it has taken a very long time to get here. I still wonder about what is still to come. What will I be able to experience then? Will I be ready?

I have to admit I’m feeling ‘a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole’. There is no turning back once you have gone this far down. Unlike Alice, Dorothy found her way back to Kansas from Oz, for me their is no more Kansas, just an eternity of infinite possibilities. And, a lot of new friends, so to speak.

I am what I am. And, I thank the Gods that I am…

 

Journal: Spatial Awareness

Moon waning crescent 27.8 days, Pisces – Water. Time 07:00, planet hours: Mercury.

Gravity provides us with a baseline, so to speak, that allows us to orient ourselves in space. Gravity allows an up and down to exist in our vocabulary the above and the below, heaven and earth. I sometimes try to imagine a conscious reality where gravity does not exist. Vast bodies of water floating through the air or rain that does not fall. In this conscious reality gravity is a fundamental physical law of this physical construct, a necessity in many ways.

My relationship and understanding of gravity is a detriment in the construct of the unconscious because it limits how I am able to orient myself in the spaces I travel within. It also carries with it a habit in the manner of how I project myself in the unconscious. I project a likeness that is appropriate for existing in this current conscious reality, but it is not necessary during my other worldly unconscious travel, as well as, projecting on the astral plane.

It is interesting to watch a sci-fi film and watch how two space ships meeting in outer space always seem to orient themselves as if they are on some artificial plane. All the battles in the Star Wars episodes are all fought in alignment with this artificial orientation. Everything lines up nicely for the scene and helps the viewer to orient themselves in the scene, but I would imagine that it would be a lot more chaotic in absence of the artificial orientation.

The spirits and sprites that are becoming a frequent experience in my conscious reality do not seem to be hindered, by the need to be spatially aware within this physical construct. I see them as balls of light and deep black smoky shadows, probably because I have no visual reference in order to see them as they may actually exist. They move at speeds that are difficult to measure and through objects as if they were mere projections. Or, see objects for what they are, projections of my conscious mind.

People that have used dissociative drugs like Ketamine and Salvia Divinorum become disconnected to their body, but their visual orientation remains oriented to the realms they visit. Why is that so? Why isn’t it upside down or backward as if reflected in a mirror? Salvia Divinorum allows the user to enter into a two-dimensional realm, but why does the orientation have an up and down? In the realm of Salvia you can see what is in front of you, limited side views and not what is behind you.

Why isn’t the Salvia realm an orientation where you can only look up? It may be boring and uneventful, but why is it an orientation that provides the user with a spatial awareness that the user can recognize? What governs our concepts of spacial awareness in other worldly realms?

Are we only allowed to travel to realm we are capable of understanding based on our cognitive or un/conscious limitations? Ketamine presents an out-of-body experience that is void of visuals and any kind of sensory orientation. Why is that so? Is it an called ‘out of body experience’, because we are incapable of understanding and perceiving the realm we have entered?

Journal: Asleep

Moon waning crescent 25.9 days, Aquarius – Air. Time 07:00, planet hours: Luna.

I have noticed that I enter into bouts of being unable to stay awake. While I am in my office, I find myself waking up, not remembering that I was dozing off. I have been paying attention to this phenomenon for a few weeks. When it occurs I am unable to stay awake, but each time it occurs I find myself waking up surprised that I could not remember when or how I dozed off again. If I get up and go to another room I am fully awake and stop dozing, but when I return to my office the dozing will continue even with espresso strength caffeine in my system. I have now discovered the reason why this is starting to happen on a more regular basis.

I have gotten past a very long period of being unable to get out of bed upon sunrise consistently. I have struggled with this for a very long time and even suffered some significant attacks when I was able to wake up and stay a awake for a few weeks. This simple task is essential for maintaining a particular level of consciousness. Since I have now established a long-term habit of waking before the sun rises, it appears my antagonists have found another way of influencing me (possibly evidence of a self-perpetuating delusion).

Acknowledging that vibrational energy determines a particular state of mind or state of consciousness, interfering, influencing or disrupting the vibrational energy of a target is key to controlling the target. There are certain times of the day when influence is easier to manifest it usually starts after the sun rises and gradually increasing toward 11:00 a.m., reaching a peak then diminishing toward 03:00 p.m., and later entering an interesting collective state of consciousness, what I call the “stupid time”, about 1-2 hours before sunset (there is a definite relationship between conscious vibrational states and the transit of the sun and its increasing and decreasing spectrum frequency of light; or during the night, the amount of light reflected by the lunar surface). Now that I am awake during the time of day, I am able to remain attentive to my thoughts and actions in the creation of my day, or my conscious experience.

I have mentioned in older posts that my antagonists (organized group of people, Jinn, aliens, gods or my higher self, take your pick…) have been infiltrating my unconscious. Since I have become aware of this, and coupled with my consistent habit of rising before the sun, I have become better able to combat the influence of others on my un/conscious experiences. My unconscious, dream world, is a place where I am still vulnerable (still evolving). As I have mentioned in other posts, I am realizing I am always in a state of dreaming, it may be better described as visual thoughts, or potential states of conscious existence. It seem as if my conscious and unconscious are rubbing up against each other in ways I do not yet understand.

My antagonists seem to have developed a way of forcing me to into an unconscious state. I am now seeing a pattern, and that after my dozing, I notice that I have fallen into a lower conscious vibrational state. I have a means of countering this effect, but timing seems to be everything, ultimately affecting my ability to maintain a particular emotional image (a visualization of an emotional state). I know that once I fall asleep things can change in drastic and subtle ways. Yes, its sounds a lot like a Freddy Kruger movie, but it is more about misdirection than anything else.

I now recognize, and can differentiate between, these particular conscious vibrational states. These states have a unique character to them, much like changing a channel on the television. Or, getting on a train and then ending up in a different, although familiar, destination when the ride has ended. This is fascinating, I am now consciously attempting to map and navigate shifting conscious vibrational states at will. My conscious experiences may very well be just as the Hindu describe Vishnu sustaining the universe, dreams within dreams. What I might be starting to see is that my conscious experience is a plane of existence where other beings come to when they are unconsciously asleep.

I see you…

Note: In a computer program, the code is a representation of an object (text file, image, etc.),ultimately a series of ones and zeros. In this conscious reality, vibrational frequency is the code that can best be described as sound or a series of tones (notes) like a song. We are actually musical instruments capable of creation.

Journal: Pointless Participation

Moon waning gibbous 15.2 days, Libra – Air. Time 09:20, planet hours: Sol.

I felt compelled to mark this point in my conscious experience as absurd, and pointless (contradiction noted).

I admit that I am too stupid to break free of the perpetual cycles I find myself in. Maybe it is the pointless nature of this existence that may ultimately be the point itself.

I am grateful, yet I cannot pinpoint that to which I am grateful for…

My delusions persist.

Point of concept: When incorporating the infinite, everything within this conscious construct, eventually, becomes pointless.

Journal: In The Beginning…

Moon last quarter 22.1 days, Sagittarius – Fire. Time 06:45, planet hours: Mars.

As I try and wrap my head around the infinite, I find my intellect being drawn to it, focused upon it. I often tell myself that “in the beginning there was consciousness”, but as I stated this morning it I knew that it could no longer be correct. Within the entirety of an infinite consciousness a “beginning” cannot exist.

It forever is, it forever was, and forever will be…