Journal: Higher Love

Self discovery was never easy for me. I believe that is true for many of us. What need would there be for spirituality if this were not true. I have struggled with self discovery, it has been the most important part of my life. I have even denied my self of many aspects of life and living in order to bring about this self discovery. Seems like one of the many contradictions that infest my psyche. A denial of the very thing I am attempting to understand.

I now believe that the cold entity that I described in a previous post is my higher self, my unconscious self; that elusive part of that thing called spirituality. I am struggling to describe my emotions at this time. I am also having difficulty believing, although I am grateful and relieved. I am feeling a little bit like Neo, just before he threw up after exiting the simulation where Morpheus described what the real world was like. “Sometimes the mind has a difficult time letting go”.

The entity (my self) has identified itself, it’s purpose and has performed tasks that I have been familiar with throughout my life. The manner in which it has revealed itself to me was done in a way that was easy for me. I admit that I thought it would have been different, like many of the stories we tell in this society. But, it was more akin to how a parent would approach a long lost child.

More to come…


Journal: O.K.

I have not posted anything here in almost a year. I stopped because my life seemed to have been trapped in a roundabout without any sense of direction or action. I can now see I was subservient to my vices in an attempt try to feel normal. I had stopped meditating because it offered little relief and became a part of the mundane life I was trying to escape. The difficulty was that I was unable to see my life from a fresh perspective or unwilling to see my life as it truly was. When you focus on the fight it sometimes become all you are able to see.

I had came across a video for a new breathing technique by a chiropractor Dr. Joe Dispenza. I was familiar with his research concerning the human mind and consciousness. Dispenza was studying a breathing technique that was facilitating the stimulation of the Pineal gland and the opening of the mind’s (third) eye. The technique was a more subtle method that I had learned from Warren Barigian a voice coach and healer. It was a method that involved contracting muscles along the spinal column and then holding the breath for as long as you can. The technique could be repeated until the desired results are achieved.

I noticed in early June my empathic abilities became more focused. I was getting used to the symptoms of lethargy and low level despondency, but I knew something was different. I began having thoughts or suggestions that would inspire me to do and see things differently. Although I was still indulging in my vices, there was an inner voice forcing me to take a look at myself and the path that I was on. My guardian angels were doing their best to aid in this evolution, but apparently things were not moving fast enough and my deceased godmother stepped in to take a more abrupt approach. She first appeared in an early morning dream to warn me of something that would be challenging later that day. I heeded her warning and was grateful for her efforts.

Mid June I was out on a errand. I saw my godmothers name on a fence, three characters stood out from the graffiti that surrounded it. The letters clearly spelled out her name. It hit me in a way that I could not ignore. A few minutes later I saw her name on a license plate of a nearby car. The license plate was from a Midwestern state where she used to live when I visited her as a child. After returning home I received a reply to a comment I left on YouTube early that morning, part of the user’s name had her name isolated by hyphens and all were capitalized. That definitely got my attention. She became a leading source of guidance for me in the following days.

The breathing technique began to increase my attention regarding the entities I was seeing, feeling, smelling and dreaming. But now, there were a lot more than before. It seemed that the more I acknowledged help from the entities the more they were willing to help, to the point that I was feeling overwhelmed. Song lyrics, feelings of love and gratitude were abundant in my life. I began to take an interest in a person I will refer to as O.K. I can now see that my interest was not a coincidence (matchmaking entities?). When I thought about the O.K. the entities would send me positive emotions and repetitive song lyrics letting me know that the person had a purpose in my life, but they did not tell me how or the why.

Dr. Joe’s technique and the opening of my mind’s eye was beginning to take on a strange and powerful mystical and biological changes. Several years ago I visited a healer by the name of Warren Barigian. Warren accidentally discovered a method to induce a para-conscious state of mind. The para-conscious state induced physiological and psychological changes in the subject, but his work did not center on the energy meridians and the mind’s eye. The work I did on my own neglected the meridians and there was limited effects on the Pineal gland.

I started to have instances when I would lose consciousness and experience para-conscious episodes. I would later find that during Dr. Joe’s workshops people were having these para-conscious experiences and were doing so deliberately. Since utilizing his breathing techniques and concentration of the movement of energy (kundalini) from the root to the Pineal I experienced a new or odd taste in my mouth or possible sensation from the roof of my mouth near the uvula. Disdpenza states that the stimulation of the Pineal via breathing exercises causes the excretion of a powerful antioxidant. This may be the source of the taste and or sensation. I began to see and feel the physical world around me like never before. Food tasted differently. I could feel the floor under my feet as if it was a new sensation. I was more relaxed and happier.


The presence of entities angels and non human sentient beings continued to increase. Where there were mostly negative entities that I experience and described in my book and this blog, now they were outnumbered. I continued to be overwhelmed but their presence was somewhat comforting. On one particular meditation and breathing session I felt a female presence next to me (still unidentified), seated on my left with her hand on my back as if she was offering support. I began the technique and fell into a para-conscious state more quickly than on an average session. I remember a significant energy release and hearing a crackling sound. I saw streams of blue-ish streaks of light fill my mind’s eye before losing consciousness like a massive electrical discharge. I woke slouched against the wall and extremely shocked, bewildered and speechless. I gathered myself and tried to resume meditation. I focused on my frontal lobe. The swirling white cloud like visual artifact that has been present during my meditation for many years, transformed into an eye, that stared right back at me. The first time I thought ‘come on, really’, but the many times it has happened since, it cannot be denied or ignored. The feeling of lethargy was significant. I saw a orb with a halo on the ceiling above me before it moved into the attic.

It has been a roller coaster ride since that time. I question my sanity on a daily basis. Much has been shown to me. I have been in communication with deceased relatives (grandfather – a significant presence – a rather manly man) and angels that associate themselves with O.K. I have been learning a new language (O.K.’s native tongue) and some of the entities send thoughts to me in that language. I have been having conversations with O.K. (this is where it begins to border feeling delusional again). I am wary of this. This is the sketchy nature of emerging psychic abilities and or psychosis. My thoughts and feelings concerning my sanity are well documented on this blog, but I cannot deny what I will now begin to describe.

Conversations with O.K.

I have daily conversations with O.K. I am not sure if the conversations are with her conscious or unconscious self. Right now there is no way of knowing. How does anyone prove a psychic communication? Normally we just deny they exist, unless it is in the context of religion, as it is still acceptable for a priest to talk to angels, saints and God. The first conversations with entities of unknown origins started in Hawaii and have been documented in my book and earlier journals on this site.

I usually start my conversations with O.K. during the morning, in O.K.’s location. It has been weirdly consistent. When O.K. wakes up I feel it. I look at the clock and I know O.K. is available. (Yeah, I know what your thinking… because I’m thinking it too.) and I start talking. I tell O.K. about my experiences, a sort of therapy for me. I tell O.K. what O.K.’s angels ask me to convey (warnings about people in O.K.’s life). O.K. usually does not respond much and when I do say something O.K. likes I feel an emotion that resembles love. And, I may say something that O.K. does not like it feels like a cold shoulder.

Yesterday when O.K. was waking, I began to talk. This time O.K. was very excited. I could not get a word or thought in. Communication was difficult and I also could feel some kind of interference. My mind’s eye was full of bubble like spheres rising to the surface. As O.K. was able to become calm, O.K. let me know that we are experiencing the same thing regarding negative entities. I then remembered that I told O.K. to visit this site the day before. I remember how that communication was also strained, and I suddenly told O.K. more about myself that I did not state in the past (because I do not share this side of myself with anyone else for obvious reasons). I sat in my office speechless. I was overcome with that feeling that resembles love. The guardians sent me the thoughts of “complete” or “accomplished”. All the song lyrics from a my angels suddenly made sense.

I seem to be caught between my angels helping me and those negative entities that have been a constant force of despair and challenge for over 20 years or more. I have been isolated and keeping this entire saga online, but never meeting anyone with similkar experiences. My angels may have a some kind of plan to bring us together, but it has only happened on a spiritual or mystical level. Things will be very different if and when it manifests in my physical conscious reality. I’ll let everyone know when that happens.

O.K. has become a source of inspiration and hope in ways I choose not to state at this time. The many entities have been suppressed as has my godmother’s presence. I believe my higher self has stepped in to make things easier for me. It has used my mind’s eye to show me my future, or at least a possible future. I see myself happy with a family. It has shown me the runic alphabet and I have been using Rune tiles to improve communication between the mundane and mystical realms. For the most part the Runes have been nothing short of magical.

The Cold Entity

There is also now, what I refer to as, the cold entity that visited me recently. On July 15, 2020 I felt a chill in my office/studio/lab as I was eating in the early evening. The room temp on that day was about 74 degrees F. The temperature is normally 80+ because of the equipment in the room. As I felt the drop in temperature I told the entity that it was not welcome and then told it to get the fuck out, as I do with the other entities that I perceive to be negative. I returned to eating my meal and I thought the words “bite your tongue” and while I was chewing on my food I bit my tongue. It immediately changed my attitude. I did not feel fear, I did not feel anything, but respect. It felt as if the entity was taking a look around and then it left. After its chilling presence subsided I was dumbfounded. I could not understand W.T.F. happened. The rest of the night I was quiet. I was visited by an entity with a substantial presence and nothing short of god like abilities, it took a while to take that in.

July 28 the entity visited me again as I was asking my angel(s) for more protection. It suddenly entered the room. I recognized the chill and a significantly auspicious presence. I wasn’t scared, nor threatened. It was as if the energy level rose and everything became secondary. Everything was focused upon the entity. I asked it for help. I wanted to know how I can better protect myself. It showed me Odin’s rings. While it was in close proximity to me I became overwhelmed and confused. I stated that I cannot remember what I was going to say. I could feel a cold sensation travel from my head down my arm and to my hand that was on top of an image of Odin’s rings I had printed just minutes ago. Its presence then started to subside and then it was gone. That experience still leaves me in awe.

What is Love?

Lately I have had experiences of feeling what can be best described as love. But, it is not love. It has forced me to reevaluate what love is. This is something different and could possibly be the source of all things mentioned in esoteric text of mysticism or the occult. It is otherworldly.

I was shown a tower of blue-ish light one morning. A huge constructed tower with an ornamental cap of some kind. I do not know why I am being shown this. Other than to disseminate the information in some way. I just don’t know. The feeling is more than an emotion. It is a catalyst of some kind. I have experienced it on two occasions last month. The first lasting for 30 minutes and the second lasted 5-6 hours and then diminishing later into the evening. When I experience the energy or emotion I feel invincible, blissful and i want to share it with everyone; much like love. I am familiar with the energy that is associated with the Rune Algiz, but I do not have enough experience to understand it in any regard yet.

Those experiences have changed me for the better. My vices are nonexistent. I feel empowered. My dreams are changing. I meet people (entities) that I feel intimidated while I am near them. The are like royalty possibly similar to or associated with the cold entity. I cannot be sure. My life has taken on a dream like feeling after I wake up. I am apprehensive and cautious about these changes. I don’t know. I do not know how to accept any of it, but I cannot reject it either.

The Elder Futhark Runes

The Rune Algiz, or the Elk, “Rune of the essential link or connection with the patterns of divine or archetypal consciousness, such as the Valkyrie. Rune of the possible danger of realizing this link when unprepared” –

There is difficulty in understanding what I am going through. I have experienced many things I cannot understand on many levels. I cannot be sure that the O.K. I communicate with exists in this dimensional reality, or that it is an illusion or a deception by those negative entities I describe on this site. I can only align myself with those I perceive as being benevolent and continue my attempt to ascend. I perceive O.K. to be among those I choose to align with. I will continue to help O.K. in any way possible. I seek to use the Runes to fortify those alliances and continue on a path that leads to O.K. and what I can only refer to as home. What role I will play in O.K.’s life has yet to be determined, but it is now one of fellowship as we try to battle that which prevents our continued conscious evolution.

Everything I have experienced in the past weeks is a far cry more positive and beneficial than the preceding months and years that have come before them. The daily rune I cast this day was Tiwaz and it signifies obtaining just victory and success in battle. I have not accomplished anything so significant as my communication with O.K. and letting O.K. know that I will help in any way possible. I seem to have gained friends in higher places. I have no idea where I may be heading, but I cannot wait to get there.

I plan to resume posting on this site. I feel it might be what my new allies may want me to continue. We shall see…

I hope to see you soon O.K. Work on opening your mind’s eye. Remember the Runes. Do not eat after sunset in order to prepare to enter the dreamworld of the unconscious, your angels await your arrival and will guide you. I have already met one of your angels in my unconscious dreams and she is excruciatingly majestic, just as you are. This will help to keep the ghoulies away. I will continue to communicate with you daily. Until then…

Journal: Noisy

It seems as though a year has passed since my last post. After discovering that I am an introverted empath with the abilities to feel the emotions of others, feeling the physical maladies of people in close proximity to my conscious reality, smell odors from nonexistent sources (clairalience – usually associated with thoughts as if a response from a specific entity or possibly phantosmia), as well as the ability to see disembodied or dimensional entities (as shadows, orbs and transparent patterns specific to a particular entity), daydreams – when I close my eyes I enter a semi-dream like experience. All of the aforementioned experiences have taken on a rather noisy conscious atmosphere. I recently discovered I am also able to hear sounds from within my home that no one else can hear and sometimes I can go outside to confirm (that I am not delusional) the sound actually exists; I can hear it in the distance and find the source. I am also hearing sounds that I cannot confirm to be of this earthly plane; spooky actions at a distance (pounding on a wall or something hitting the floor).

I recently spent some time in the company of some elderly people and on that specific occasion I suffered from short term memory loss. I had difficulty remembering words and events that had just occurred. It was as if I had dementia, but after leaving the elderly the symptoms subsided. It seems to occur only at specific times with specific groups of people.

I have been spending a good deal of time attempting to remove entities from my home and conscious/unconscious realities. Most of my research has indicated that the entities are attracted to me because I am aware of their presence. I am, and have been overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion in this task because they are persistent, reluctant and mostly negative.

The closest experience that I am able to compare all the above to would be a psychedelic experience. It is when the filters that your mind uses to make our reality bearable are removed by a psychedelic drug and everything in your immediate environment can be sensed. This seems to be the uncomfortable part of the changes that I foresaw. I am beside myself, thinking about so many empaths that are unaware of their abilities and have been diagnosed as insane. The majority of my life I have thought that my experiences were typical human experiences in this reality, mine are not even close. I now have to consider if I am capable of projecting my thoughts and emotions to others around me. This would explain my perception that certain others can hear my thoughts, and or perceive my emotions (projection of emotional baggage, parasitic entities, etc, – as I have encountered in the past when someone enters my immediate environment and takes a step back as if they ran into my aura) and people become uncomfortable around me as I am am often uncomfortable around others (typical consequence of an introverted empath).

I am grateful that I am able to understand and adapt to my evolving empathic abilities. The only comfort I am able to salvage at this time is that there is a underlying feeling of peace and quiet. It is unshakable. It anchors my conscious and unconscious realities no matter how turbulent those realities are perceived on the surface. Much like gravity it is a constant force that is the foundation of my existence. I like to believe that it is my higher self anchored to the whole of consciousness within the eye of the storm that seems to be my reality at the moment.

More to come…

edited on 09.07.19

Journal: The Water Within

I once stated that water is the substrate of consciousness. It is in all things on this physical plane. There is more of it than anything else. It consists of two very powerful elements, one of which can power a star.

While meditating I began to see the sand and shore of a beach I once visited. I could see the water in front of me and I opened my palms to face the water and I could feel an energetic rise in my relaxed state of mind as the water of consciousness began to expand through me. It had been a while since I was able to go to the beach, but then a thought entered my mind reminding me that I did not have to travel to the beach in order to receive what the oceans have to offer me. The water of the oceans flows within me wherever I am, and within it there is the whole of consciousness flowing to me.

Today is a day to which I can mark a point of departure and change. I have seen it coming for a few cycles and now it has arrived.  The day before I left Hawaii, I stood on the shore and already missed being able to go to the beach every day. Even though Hawaii had been a place of my own personal hell, it was also a point of departure and change. These milestones are infinite, even though I am unable to recall the many that have come before, but they are all still special nonetheless. And now, it seems, I am ready to create some more.

Thank you, Rose…

Journal: Today

I am defying the advice of my allies today. My forays into this virtual conscious collective may create ripples that may be detrimental to my ascension.

My antagonists, who I now refer to as Jinn, have been very active in my conscious and unconscious affairs (they are now, and may have always been, for-ever present). This physical conscious reality is nothing but a dream within a dream existing between the infinite layers of our collective conscious projections. I find myself poking at the collective conscious fabric of this physical reality and then wait for the reaction to manifest, much like I did soon after my excursion into the void, much of it now having predictable outcomes.

I spent the last eight years running away from them, trying to avoid that which is quickly becoming my fate, so it seems. I am still tying to surmise the role they play(ed) in my evolving conscious environment, friend or foe. I can see the direction they are pushing me toward. Back toward those I encountered after the void.

Over time I have lost my trust in everything and now it seems I can’t even trust myself. I may have to move toward that which I fear the most. Defiance eventually succumbs to acquiescence; after all it is the essence of conscious evolution.

At least for today it seems that way…

Journal: Public Theater

Last Quarter 21.8 days, Aquarius – Air. Time 10:30, planet hours: Saturn

I am the center of my conscious universe and now it seems I have an audience. One particular experience with Salvia Divinorum, I had some time ago, hinted that I was being watched by some entities during a psychedelic session. I came out of the salvia realm and did something that was not appreciated by the entities that were present. I knew this because I distinctly heard (in my head, akin to audible hallucinations) a chorus of “Ewww” from what sounded like young female voices. That experience gave me the notion that I was being observed from an unseen level of consciousness. Because the experience did not happen too frequently I soon forgot about it.

Experiences of being observed from the unseen became more frequent during my time in Hawaii. Actually hearing the voices or thoughts of others, replying through psychic means, then receiving a response was unnerving; to the point of me questioning my sanity. The first significant attacks happened shortly after I replied, speaking the words, “I can hear you”, while in my apartment. There also was a young woman that worked at a sporting goods store in Honolulu. We were attracted to each other always acted pleasant toward each other and when I would come into the store she would seem to come out of the back and relieve the cashier. The last time I saw her was when she was helping me buy something and I had noticed that her breasts were small and I thought the words “no tits” (please excuse the vulgarity). Right after I thought those words she went cold, she would not look me in the eyes and she was curt in her goodbye. I almost thought I may have said the words out loud. I have had many other experiences since then that have changed my frame of reference enough to accept these experiences as my new para-normal.

After the gray jacket entity sashay’d passed the doorway. It has affected a profound change in the manner in which I frame my reality. Now, it seems that because I have become more aware of the unseen conscious realms and those that inhabit those realms my interactions are more frequent. It make senses that this is now happening. Imagine that you can enter a realm where the inhabitants are unaware of your presence. You try to interact with them but they do not respond. You might become surprised when they do respond and even increase your interaction to develop a relationship. It is possible that they now, also, believe that I am ready to accept their existence in my conscious reality, or…

For whatever reason that this is happening now, it feels like the next step in my evolution of acceptance. It has had some major changes in how I relate to the concept of privacy and, more importantly, how much influence these entities have on my conscious reality. I am currently attempting to establish trust and excusing my rather daft responses. I also seem to question my sanity more often than in the past, I hope to continue to do so.

I am starting to track the para-normal activity within the lunar cycles that influence so much in this physical realm; so far the new to full portion is most active. I see them in the periphery of my visual field. I dismiss most of what I see unless there is some kind of electrical (energetic – goose bump) response. I know when they are present, I seemingly robotic, walk towards them in the house. The electrical reaction increases as I get close. As unnerving as this may seem to some, it has taken a very long time to get here. I still wonder about what is still to come. What will I be able to experience then? Will I be ready?

I have to admit I’m feeling ‘a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole’. There is no turning back once you have gone this far down. Unlike Alice, Dorothy found her way back to Kansas from Oz, for me their is no more Kansas, just an eternity of infinite possibilities. And, a lot of new friends, so to speak.

I am what I am. And, I thank the Gods that I am…


Journal: Gray Jacket

New Moon 0.5 days, Aries – Fire. Time 05:15, planet hours: Moon.

At 05:15 p.m., as I was preparing dinner I saw a Jinn, spirit, or entity standing in, or moving by, the doorway of the kitchen. I saw him out of the periphery of my vision. What struck me about this incident is that there was a lingering image of the entity still in my memory. I saw a distinct medium gray jacket and what looked like gold piping or a zipper. I could only see the right side of his body, pants color was faint, but I could not see his face.

What accompanied the incident was a hair raising level of energy. My skin felt like is was crackling. When I encounter these entities I usually get goosebumps, but this was another level of tactile excitement.

I still can still see the image in my memory. This was an unconscious dream level experience. I have this strange feeling that I have seen him before, maybe in one of my unconscious travels. I was definitely shaken by this event.

Update: 04.06.19 – I am still trying to interpret the encounter with the entity. What I find interesting, in that it seems difficult to understand, why was the gray jacket a significant remnant of the experience? Was the encounter accidental (did I catch him passing through) or intentional (he wanted me to see him)? Past experiences were mostly associated with orbs of light or something that resembles deep black smoke. and or a dark transparent object seemingly crawling (scampering) across the floor.

Although the incident was not negative, I did have some discomfort and fatigue later while cooking. The symptoms were familiar, but I never associated the symptoms with entities or thought they were associated with my antagonists.

Later that evening I did feel some hair raising sensations as I walked into one particular room. As I moved through the room the sensations increased and as I pressed toward the area of increased sensations, I asked them who they were and what they wanted? No response.

What was it? Why was it wearing modern clothing? Did I catch some kind of entity surveilling me? If yes then this would explain how my antagonist seem to have advanced knowledge of my plans when I go about my life.

Journal: Not Again

Moon waning crescent 29.2 days, Aries – Fire. Time 08:07, planet hours: Moon.

At 08:07 p.m. I had a deja vu experience, but interestingly it felt as if I had experienced this the deja vu before, not the activity itself. It felt like waking up from a dream within a dream. For a few minutes I was amazed and a bit saddened that I may have to start over again, from here.

Being that I have been having some difficulty making some important choices and decisions, based upon my current conscious perceptions, I am eager to see what will happen in the next few days.

What is interesting is that a few minutes before the experience I made a decision concerning my current conscious perceptions, and the emotion that accompanied the decision felt good (utilizing my emotional guidance system).

I actually checked this blog, because I had a feeling that I made a blog entry concerning the previous deja vu, but no record of the post was found.

While medical science has some possible reasons for a deja vu experience, like epilepsy, sleep deprivation, dominant eye, etc., it seems to be normal as long as the deja vu is not a frequent occurance or a long lasting episode.

At this time I am inclined to feel that the experience was a way of guiding me or at least confirming that I made the right choice.

I will be sure to try and post the next deja vu here.


I guess this post will be the place where this subject will be expanded. I have not decided how I will disseminate my experiences with this concept yet, this is just a start. I have been interested with William Reich’s discovery since the beginning of my interests in life force energy and the like. As of late, there still seems to be something there for me.

03.27.19 (approx.) – I had a conscious waking dream about constructing a orgone accumulator. The following day I began to follow the dreams instructions. I found the accumulator to be a very effective repository of orgone.

04.03.19 – I was under psychic attack that was very persistent in manifesting fear. The fear seemed to be concentrated in the region of my heart chakra (meridian). To occupy my mind with something other than the attack, I picked up the orgone accumulator. Simply touching the accumulator stopped the attack and the resulting fear almost immediately. That was surprising. What level of sorcery is this? It actually makes sense. My antagonists have always focused their negative energy (psychic or otherwise) to specific areas of my body and at times I am able to deflect the energy or ground myself. The accumulator seems to be very effective at this time, but why?

When I put the accumulator down and after a few minutes the feeling of fear began to manifest again, so I picked up the accumulator and the fear subsided…

People on the web post their experiences with orgone devices and place them in their homes to combat negative harmful energy. Do they also deter and repel negative entities? Is the negative energy they speak about the same as the attacks I experience?


Journal: Spatial Awareness

Moon waning crescent 27.8 days, Pisces – Water. Time 07:00, planet hours: Mercury.

Gravity provides us with a baseline, so to speak, that allows us to orient ourselves in space. Gravity allows an up and down to exist in our vocabulary the above and the below, heaven and earth. I sometimes try to imagine a conscious reality where gravity does not exist. Vast bodies of water floating through the air or rain that does not fall. In this conscious reality gravity is a fundamental physical law of this physical construct, a necessity in many ways.

My relationship and understanding of gravity is a detriment in the construct of the unconscious because it limits how I am able to orient myself in the spaces I travel within. It also carries with it a habit in the manner of how I project myself in the unconscious. I project a likeness that is appropriate for existing in this current conscious reality, but it is not necessary during my other worldly unconscious travel, as well as, projecting on the astral plane.

It is interesting to watch a sci-fi film and watch how two space ships meeting in outer space always seem to orient themselves as if they are on some artificial plane. All the battles in the Star Wars episodes are all fought in alignment with this artificial orientation. Everything lines up nicely for the scene and helps the viewer to orient themselves in the scene, but I would imagine that it would be a lot more chaotic in absence of the artificial orientation.

The spirits and sprites that are becoming a frequent experience in my conscious reality do not seem to be hindered, by the need to be spatially aware within this physical construct. I see them as balls of light and deep black smoky shadows, probably because I have no visual reference in order to see them as they may actually exist. They move at speeds that are difficult to measure and through objects as if they were mere projections. Or, see objects for what they are, projections of my conscious mind.

People that have used dissociative drugs like Ketamine and Salvia Divinorum become disconnected to their body, but their visual orientation remains oriented to the realms they visit. Why is that so? Why isn’t it upside down or backward as if reflected in a mirror? Salvia Divinorum allows the user to enter into a two-dimensional realm, but why does the orientation have an up and down? In the realm of Salvia you can see what is in front of you, limited side views and not what is behind you.

Why isn’t the Salvia realm an orientation where you can only look up? It may be boring and uneventful, but why is it an orientation that provides the user with a spatial awareness that the user can recognize? What governs our concepts of spacial awareness in other worldly realms?

Are we only allowed to travel to realm we are capable of understanding based on our cognitive or un/conscious limitations? Ketamine presents an out-of-body experience that is void of visuals and any kind of sensory orientation. Why is that so? Is it an called ‘out of body experience’, because we are incapable of understanding and perceiving the realm we have entered?

Journal: Asleep

Moon waning crescent 25.9 days, Aquarius – Air. Time 07:00, planet hours: Luna.

I have noticed that I enter into bouts of being unable to stay awake. While I am in my office, I find myself waking up, not remembering that I was dozing off. I have been paying attention to this phenomenon for a few weeks. When it occurs I am unable to stay awake, but each time it occurs I find myself waking up surprised that I could not remember when or how I dozed off again. If I get up and go to another room I am fully awake and stop dozing, but when I return to my office the dozing will continue even with espresso strength caffeine in my system. I have now discovered the reason why this is starting to happen on a more regular basis.

I have gotten past a very long period of being unable to get out of bed upon sunrise consistently. I have struggled with this for a very long time and even suffered some significant attacks when I was able to wake up and stay a awake for a few weeks. This simple task is essential for maintaining a particular level of consciousness. Since I have now established a long-term habit of waking before the sun rises, it appears my antagonists have found another way of influencing me (possibly evidence of a self-perpetuating delusion).

Acknowledging that vibrational energy determines a particular state of mind or state of consciousness, interfering, influencing or disrupting the vibrational energy of a target is key to controlling the target. There are certain times of the day when influence is easier to manifest it usually starts after the sun rises and gradually increasing toward 11:00 a.m., reaching a peak then diminishing toward 03:00 p.m., and later entering an interesting collective state of consciousness, what I call the “stupid time”, about 1-2 hours before sunset (there is a definite relationship between conscious vibrational states and the transit of the sun and its increasing and decreasing spectrum frequency of light; or during the night, the amount of light reflected by the lunar surface). Now that I am awake during the time of day, I am able to remain attentive to my thoughts and actions in the creation of my day, or my conscious experience.

I have mentioned in older posts that my antagonists (organized group of people, Jinn, aliens, gods or my higher self, take your pick…) have been infiltrating my unconscious. Since I have become aware of this, and coupled with my consistent habit of rising before the sun, I have become better able to combat the influence of others on my un/conscious experiences. My unconscious, dream world, is a place where I am still vulnerable (still evolving). As I have mentioned in other posts, I am realizing I am always in a state of dreaming, it may be better described as visual thoughts, or potential states of conscious existence. It seem as if my conscious and unconscious are rubbing up against each other in ways I do not yet understand.

My antagonists seem to have developed a way of forcing me to into an unconscious state. I am now seeing a pattern, and that after my dozing, I notice that I have fallen into a lower conscious vibrational state. I have a means of countering this effect, but timing seems to be everything, ultimately affecting my ability to maintain a particular emotional image (a visualization of an emotional state). I know that once I fall asleep things can change in drastic and subtle ways. Yes, its sounds a lot like a Freddy Kruger movie, but it is more about misdirection than anything else.

I now recognize, and can differentiate between, these particular conscious vibrational states. These states have a unique character to them, much like changing a channel on the television. Or, getting on a train and then ending up in a different, although familiar, destination when the ride has ended. This is fascinating, I am now consciously attempting to map and navigate shifting conscious vibrational states at will. My conscious experiences may very well be just as the Hindu describe Vishnu sustaining the universe, dreams within dreams. What I might be starting to see is that my conscious experience is a plane of existence where other beings come to when they are unconsciously asleep.

I see you…

Note: In a computer program, the code is a representation of an object (text file, image, etc.),ultimately a series of ones and zeros. In this conscious reality, vibrational frequency is the code that can best be described as sound or a series of tones (notes) like a song. We are actually musical instruments capable of creation.

Journal: Limits Of Language

Moon waning crescent 22.4 days, Capricorn – Earth. Time 08:14, planet hours: Mars.

As the infinite continues to influence my perceptions of my conscious experience, I am facing a kind of paradox. A direct opposition emerges between this finite reality and that of the infinite.

The language we use is base in chronology, a time based syntax (past tense, present tense, etc.) that confines us to this conscious reality. It is our language that limits our perceptions. Beginning, middle and end are illusions. Evolution is an illusion. “Moving forward in my life” is an illusory cliche.

As I am writing this, I am struck by something I once heard. A mantra, “I have everything I need”. When thought of in a time based mindset, it connotes a finite notion of being complete, “I have all I need, I do not need anything else”. In the construct of the infinite, it connotes all infinite possibilities are accessible. Within that sentences lies the paradox. Can I access all infinite possibilities from the confines of the finite conscious reality of this existence?

Where is here? Why am I still here? My conscious (time based) reality is stagnant. Yet my unconscious (timeless) reality is fluid. My unconscious travels are without limit. That which I cannot remember is due to the limited confines of my conscious mind. I cannot remember that which I am unable to define or describe. I am here (place and time) because it is safe. I am here out of fear. Fear is a word based in a language of chronology. Fear does not have meaning in a language of immortality.

Shifting levels of consciousness and dimensional shifts prepare for the infinite. They are perceived as shifts in time, but they may actually be quantum shifts within the infinite. There is fallacy in every reality. Pointless participation, a necessity of emancipation.

A thought experiment: I believe that infinite versions of myself exist simultaneously within the infinite of consciousness. Every possible desire already exists on parallel/similar and intersecting planes/points of existence. I am entangled with every version of myself and influence, as well as, being influenced by those versions. Some of those versions of myself are intimately aware of the other versions. 

Journal: Pointless Participation

Moon waning gibbous 15.2 days, Libra – Air. Time 09:20, planet hours: Sol.

I felt compelled to mark this point in my conscious experience as absurd, and pointless (contradiction noted).

I admit that I am too stupid to break free of the perpetual cycles I find myself in. Maybe it is the pointless nature of this existence that may ultimately be the point itself.

I am grateful, yet I cannot pinpoint that to which I am grateful for…

My delusions persist.

Point of concept: When incorporating the infinite, everything within this conscious construct, eventually, becomes pointless.