Journal: I smell Dead People

Moon waning gibbous 15.5 days, Aries – Fire. Time 18:53, planet hours: Moon.

I wish I was kidding. In the past it never made sense to me. I could smell distinct odors that should not be present. I never understood how it was possible. I could be riding down a mountain on my road bike and smell a particular aftershave. Once, I stopped the bike and stood on the side of the road looking for someone hiding in the bushes. Now it seems they are occurring more frequently and even while I am in my room with the doors and windows closed (heavily sweet cinnamon buns, heavy floral perfume). It is called Clairolfaction or Clairalience – the gift of psychic smelling, so I am told.

I haven’t really accepted my recent revelation of my dormant empathic abilities. I don’t think acceptance is the best way to describe my feelings, I’m just waiting to see what happens next. Waiting to be shown something new. I have never been able to relinquish control on this level in the past, every cycle brings a new perspective. I thought I had cast myself adrift only to find another anchor to cut loose. So now it seems I have help. I just need to pay more attention to my thoughts when the odors occur, so I am better able to understand the message being ‘scent’.

Of late, I feel as if I am in an alien environment. I am no longer bothered by the changes that have annoyed me in the past. It is as if everything is in its proper place, moving at its proper pace. Abraham was right, when in the right state of mind everything will begin to flow to you. And, everyday brings something new.

I have to admit I still wonder how far along this conscious evolutionary journey I would be if I wasn’t so dim-witted. Much gratitude to those unseen allies.

Journal: Sources

Moon waxing gibbous 3.1 days, Capricorn – Earth. Time 13:52, planet hours: Jupiter.

I encountered an attack recently. The manner in which I was able to defend against the attack is an important aspect of the experience. I am always torn between posting these descriptions of attacks because I do not want to reveal too much, but I do want to inform others of what they can do themselves.

I went to do something that my antagonists did not want me to do. I know this because of the attacks I endured in order to prepare for what I wanted to accomplish. The attack was familiar. I remember that it felt like other similar attacks from my past and assumed that it was from a physical device being used by someone nearby. I wondered if I should leave the area, but I thought to use defensive of dark art techniques from Robert Bruce’s book. After applying the defensive technique the attack ended.

The source of the attack was probably not a physical device. The source is something I do not yet understand, and for the most part, it seems like magic. I marveled at my new found ability to defend myself when out in public and because of the knowledge from Bruce’s book I was able to accomplished what I set out to do. When I returned home I was buzzing with a kind of artificial energy, and now I wonder about the source. Could it have been a physical weapon, but I was able to defend myself regardless of the source? Was the weapon still focused on me but, I was protected in some way? If so, it explains the curious onlooker that looked puzzled as to why I was still there.

This latest experience brings into question, again, the nature of this conscious physical reality. It speaks to the latent abilities we posses that allow us to do extraordinary things that are not so different from the extraordinary things we are able to accomplish in our unconscious dream reality.

There is so much I want to share in regards to my recent revelation, but I am withholding my experiences for now until I am better able to communicate them.

Journal: Appreciation

Moon waxing crescent 1.9 days, Libra – Air. Time 8:52, planet hours: Venus.

What  has become an emerging point of focus for me is something that the consciousness of Abraham has stated through Esther Hicks, “the leading edge of thought”. I have become appreciative of what it means to be on the leading edge of thought and consciousness. I catch myself watching, waiting and anticipating the evolution of consciousness. Being fully rooted in the now (the moment) and experiencing the constant progression through this conscious evolutionary expedition. I find myself transfixed on that edge in great appreciation for whatever is to come. It is when I am committed to being on that edge that I can receive those bits and bytes of what is to come. I am appreciative that I am a witness to the extraordinary events that takes place within every millisecond of every moment given to this existence.

Journal: Time Of Day

Moon waning crescent 23.8 days, Cancer – Water. Time 14:52, planet hours: Mars.

Why is it that on most days between the hours, on or around, !2:30 (sometimes earlier) to 03:00 p.m. there is an intensity of interference that I am able to perceive? This is somewhat hard to describe and is related to cognitive processes. The interference peaks at around 02:00 p.m. and then subsides just before 03:00 p.m. I am trying to track the source (hence the text in red above on journal posts) and feel that it is related to lunar and solar cycles. This was first noticed in Hawaii being related to position of the Sun (the intensity of the attacks at that time were far more sever, but always related, or correlated, to the position of the sun). In my current location I seem to feel better after 03:00 whether I believe I am under some kind of attack or not. Moon is setting at 15:45 today in my current location. I will need to be attentive to moonrise and moonset to try to flesh this out.

What Next?

I was helping a family member with some therapy exercises. The tasks were difficult and caused a bit of frustration, laden with anxiety, when they performed them. We persisted and slowed the pace to try to alleviate the difficulties. When we completed the exercises I retreated to my room and felt frustrated and anxious also. I had a distinct tightening in my throat. The next day we began the therapeutic exercises again. As the family member began to encounter the same difficulties as before, I noticed the same symptoms welling up within me again even though there was no reason for me to feel that way. It occurred to me that I might be experiencing sympathetic resonance. If we use the example of a musical instrument such as a guitar, sympathetic resonance occurs when a string is plucked and the neighboring strings begin to vibrate with a harmonic likeness. After a little shallow research on the internet I was lead to sites and articles about Empaths. After some further reading it occurred to me that I may be a Empath or possibly an Empathic Psychic. Discovering this was a very significant emotional event. It felt as if every single memory of significant moments in my life spilled out before my mind’s eye forced into view by a wave of emotions. Clarity washed over me, but also an unsettling question emerged from my gut, “what next?”. That thought began repeating for some time and I even started to say it out loud.

As a child I had vivid conscious dreams accompanied by physical sensations from worlds I had never before seen. It was difficult experiencing and sensing a vivid dream overlayed upon this conscious reality (I still get glimpses of this phenomenon). I wrestled with emotions that I now know were not my own, and not understanding that this was not normal, I was not normal. I started from wide social acceptance during adolescence and then later to a social outcast fueled by abilities I did not know I had. I sought the comfort of self medication which later lead to better understanding of my own physiology and psychology through experimentation. And then, rebooting my conscious mind with psychedelics and seemingly awakening to a level of consciousness filled with people and beings that are bent upon suppressing my conscious expansion. My higher unconscious self has been revealed to be a patient, yet unrelenting Taskmaster, or a tenacious Zen monk constantly cracking me on my shoulder with his shinai, never allowing me to fully drift into complacency. Now it seems I may have always been an Empath, but ignoring those abilities just so I could be normal.

It explains my past and current experiences. It explains my choppy social interactions and why I seek out solitude over fellowship. It explains why I can no longer watch certain types of films, online videos or television programs without experiencing intense emotions of what I see. It answers the question of how I am able to sense coming events. It explains why I have difficulty with one-on-one conversations with strangers, most of them leaving me feeling overtly self-conscious. It explains why I sometimes get confused during conversations as if I am hearing to two radio stations at the same time. It explains why I felt every possible emotion during my psychedelic quest through the void, now understanding they weren’t my own. It explains the many times I sensed people (mainly women of middle age) observing me or attempting to gain my attention and then find them looking at me, knowingly, in a way that seems to indicate we might be the same. It explains why I am under constant surveillance, as if to keep me from being contacted by those observers or others like myself. It explains those conversations with thought forms from destinations unknown I experienced in Hawaii. Why some people I meet take a step back when I shake their hand as if they were caught off guard by an emotion from an external source (this happened, again, when I recently encountered a person with similar abilities through Craigslist, post Combo-Shift – one of ‘the others’). It explains why some people (mostly younger people under 20) stare at me as if I was some new kind of life form. I am amazed that I survived this long not understanding what was happening, what I have become, or possibly what I have always been. Still, I ask “what next?”.

Lately I have been apprehensive to go out into the world. I seem to be bouncing from one level of consciousness to the next on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. It is a lot like going outside not knowing what the weather is going to be like. But, I still venture out eager to see what level I seem to be on. Since I posted “Significance” I feel as if my third eye (cliché) has opened yet squinting to filter all that it is now able to see. As I write this post I remember asking for this. Asking to restore my abilities that I thought were taken from me. So, what next?

Those unseen entities are working overtime. That ever-present feeling of fear pecking at the confines of my inner consciousness. I smell their fear. I sense their desperation. I see weakness. Existing on the leading edge of the expansion of consciousness is such a trying, yet beautiful thing. Every moment I am on the threshold of something that has yet to be, and I can influence its manifestation. So to answer the question of “what next?”. The answer may very well be just about “anything I fucking want”, it seems. They may be able to slow me down, but I am now motivated by something deep within. It animates my physical form. It drags me out of bed before sunrise and now shows me what I need to see. My higher unconscious self is rising from within and I am no longer reluctant to let it be. Satori?

Thank you…

Journal: Combo-Shift

Moon waning gibbous 20.0 days, Taurus – Earth. Time 20:47, planet hours: Sol.

I again experienced a shift in my level of consciousness, but this time it was different. Yesterday, I met someone through a Craigslist listing that I posted to get rid of a tool that I no longer needed. The person was one of those people I refer to as ‘the others’ (this may change soon). When he came to pick up the item it was a bit of a shock for both of us (more concerning this will be explained in the next post) when we were in close proximity to each other. Later that night the level of radiation was high as it usually is when this happens and I expected that a shift would be inevitable.

Today, was different. The lower level shifts that I have experienced in the past was in full effect, but the usual struggle and obstacles that I normally associate with a lower level shift were not happening. I was still in the flow of things. As I moved through my conscious environment paths would open up around any obstacles that would normally stop me my progress. Instead of frustration, I felt at ease as the paths continued to form in front of me allowing me to go my way.

I am reminded of a story I was told by my Aikido teacher. The story was about the founder of Aikido and that his students used to have difficulty keeping up with him as he walked through busy airports. The students saw that people would move out of his way even though they did not know the founder was coming. The students were not so lucky and had difficulty moving through the crowd. I do not know if this will become my new normal, but I am grateful for the experience nonetheless.

I am working on a post that will attempt to explain the previous post titled Significance.

Journal: Significance

Moon waxing gibbous 13.1 days, Aquarius – Air. Time 14:18, planet hours: Venus.

I have to mark this moment as one of particular significance. I will elaborate on it at a later time, when I have taken enough time to understand what has just been revealed to me.

Epiphanic to say the least…