Journal: In The Beginning…

Moon last quarter 22.1 days, Sagittarius – Fire. Time 06:45, planet hours: Mars.

As I try and wrap my head around the infinite, I find my intellect being drawn to it, focused upon it. I often tell myself that “in the beginning there was consciousness”, but as I stated this morning it I knew that it could no longer be correct. Within the entirety of an infinite consciousness a “beginning” cannot exist.

It forever is, it forever was, and forever will be…

Journal: How Do I know I Am Me?

In our conscious lives we have a system of collecting information pertaining to identification; identity. That information is something you can carry with you in case you have to prove you are who you say you are. Does a system exist in the greater unconsciousness that is used to identify my formless self?

Is identity necessary in the whole of consciousness? Without identity, we would literally be one…

As it is above, so it is below.

Journal: Enlightenment 1.1

milky_way.jpg

Meditation is not something that I do anymore, it is something that happens to me. Differing states of mind are natural whether they are induced or influenced by many different internal and external stimuli (built in comparative analysis of our conscious states). Sometimes I struggle to sustain a shallow state of mindlessness and sometimes deep meditative states wash over me at anytime or anyplace. And, when these deep states occur there is usually a message associated with that meditative occurrence.

Today was one of those days in which a deep meditative state occurred. The message concerned my relationship with the concept of enlightenment. Previous notions of enlightenment were overly simplified. One cannot understand what enlightenment is if they are not enlightened, just as people that are blind from birth are unable to understand the concept of color.

What I had hoped for was some sort of rapture. A definitive point in time when I would cross the threshold from the darkness into the light. I was hoping to have an Eckhart Tolle moment of realization, but for me that was not the case. Today I was given and opportunity to see where I was. I was given a snapshot of my relationship with enlightenment.

At this time enlightenment is a never ending process of conscious evolution. In a way enlightenment no longer exists as a definitive state of mind. The battles I fought in pursuit of enlightenment were part of the process. The process, as I now understand it, was never about attaining anything, but more about returning to my innate state of being. If one is seeking purpose then that purpose is the perpetual expansion of consciousness.

We have words that describe a concept of ‘no beginning’ and ‘no end’. One word is infinite. It is difficult to grasp the meaning of the infinite. Even our physicists purport that there exists a beginning to our universe, conceptualized as the “big bang”. In our materialistic world view we experience beginnings and endings, creation and decay, life and death so it is difficult to understand that which is infinite. Today I was given a snapshot of my life and what was a scarred and battered past I am now able to see an infinite expanse of possibilities (conscious immortality).

I have been frustrated and sometimes infuriated with those around me. How can you not see what is right in front of you? “I must be surrounded by idiots” (mostly thought, but rarely spoken). That frustration has prompted self isolation. Lately I have wanted to end my self imposed isolation, but do so gradually so that I won’t be perceived as bipolar. Enlightenment was once described to me as trying to swallow a red hot iron ball, but I never allowed myself to consider the psychological fortitude that was going to be necessary. The analogy of the iron ball was taken literally, not as a metaphor for the painful mental, and eventual, conscious transition(s).

I am certain that my current concept will not persist, it will continue to evolve and expand. The process of enlightenment is to set in motion that which is stagnant. Our existence is not about beginning and endings, it is about transitions. Perpetual conscious evolution awaits. Transient enlightened states are my new normal. My constant state of frustration is being undermined by happiness. I sometimes find myself pushing back against these persistent eruptions of happiness fearing that they may foretell an inevitable slide into insanity. I have been fighting so long that I have forgotten how to allow the very thing I have been fighting for.

I sit here now finding it hard to stop grinning, ready to take another step…

Who is Elisa Lam?

The Prevention of Ascension – www.i-am-xam.com

Daily Journal

I came across this video from a Targeted Individual Facebook group. Most of the attacks I describe on this site and in my ebook are mentioned in this video. There seems to be a lot of people being experimented on and controlled with weapons and a means of influencing the thoughts of people with microwave technology.

The above video has offered proof that what I have been experiencing is not a result of my lack of sanity. What I have endured and still endure is a real effort to silence what I have discovered. Even though I remained silent for a bout a year the microwave electromagnetic radiation did not. During that year, I continued to experiment with methods to increase my bioelectric and spiritual energy and they ensured that anything I did to raise my energy levels they countered with these weapons.

For me there is still unanswered questions I have concerning those I refer to as the Nameless. They seem to be at the center of this in my experiences. My relationship with these people is tangled. I recently stumbled across a few of them and in response to this they sent another stalking perp with a handler to try and scare me again. These are the same people I can sense when they are near me. They can sense me also, and often try to run off while hiding their face from me. What happens to them when I see their face? It is a strange aspect of my experiences. It seems like I am able to expose them, but to whom?

A lot of this is beginning to unravel for myself and others. When I hear the testimonials of victims I shutter in recognition of what they have to endure. I recall my own experiences and the hell they put me through, but what saddens me the most is that there is a group of people willing to do this to another person. There is someone (something) sitting at the controls and aiming a microwave weapon at them to torture them and to control them. Considering the amount of people reporting some kind of control or torture there must be thousands of people operating this technology. Who would do such a thing? Who would work at a job that tortures people on a daily basis? I never thought that it would be possible for a human being to do such a thing to another human being. The thought sickens me. What state of mind must a person be in to participate in torturing targeted individuals? A very sick mind…

One characteristic I have noticed. Whenever I had been mistaken by one of the minions of the Nameless, to be one of the Nameless, they have offered to help me. I have been helped in stores by people that did not work at the store. It was as if I they were programmed to respond. Women have stood next to me with their heads slightly lowered waiting subserviently to be acknowledged by me. I have run into many store cashiers that had suddenly become strangely confused and disoriented when I am purchasing goods. It makes me wonder if these people are mind controlled slaves for the Nameless. I have often hinted at this sort of thing, but the above evidence presented in the video might be used to create these mindless slaves. This is even a bit too much for even me to want to believe.

I have faith that this sort of thing cannot continue. I believe that consciousness cannot sustain such evil and unchecked malevolence. Karma is a law of consciousness that cannot be ignored or avoided. It is the force of karma that has allowed this information to be disseminated and once more people become aware of this the more these people and their organization will be revealed. Once it is out in the open the people of the world no longer allow it, and better yet consciousness will not be able to sustain such evil.

Watch the video (there are two parts) and visit the site. Tell other people about this strange thing called targeted individuals and gang stalking. Help us spread the word about this tragic era of torture and mind control we have entered unknowingly.

.

"Forgive them for they do not know what they do"

http://iamxam.blogspot.com/2012/01/030111-transfered-from-original-blog.html

The Prevention of Ascension – www.i-am-xam.com

Daily Journal

This is might be a valid reason for all that I am experiencing. I will have to take a look at what Carissa Conti has to say about my experiences and possibly be prepared for what might still be coming.

I have asked for guidance and it seems to have arrived. I did not expect it in this form and noting the date of Herr A’s comment it was presented to me almost a year ago. Obviously, I was not ready to hear nor heed its message. I will do some reading and research to see if this is what I am experiencing.

What lead to this has been noted in my Daily Journal. The strange and menacing behavior may be explained by the above comment. The character of these people are animated similar to a cartoon charter. Possession? I don’t know if I am now influenced by the comment, but it kind of makes sense.

More on this on the next post…

Daily Journal

I have placed my online journal on Google Docs. The journal can be viewed here for anyone interested in following my madness a bit more intimately.
 – https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vRTnAF4oonh_EgKe6-Qm9pq563T94zXqSFRjtuLV3TA/edit?usp=sharing

I am getting into the habit of updating my journal via my iPhone during the day. Most of the thoughts are the inspiration for a blog post here. I do this mainly to track my progress or my mental decline. We’ll see how this goes.

The Others

a21db-img_7483.jpgThere has been some activity from those I call The Others. I have no idea what their agenda may be. I started to see them in the places I usually go since I started to resume posting on this blog. They are friendly and usually reach out to me in some way. I am unable to discern them from the Nameless on most occasions since I am in a constant state of mistrust.

I encountered one of them in a Mall (another prior to this event in a local hardware store), but perceived them as one of the Nameless. I was in an altered state of mind that day. I felt a little light headed and agitated. This feeling subsided once I returned home. I cannot be sure if the Nameless were responsible for this feeling, but it did serve to alter my perception of the ‘Other’ person that was sitting nearby (the details of my encounter is intentionally vague to protect  the identity of the person I saw – not understanding their relationship with the Nameless).

They look as if they took certain positive physical characteristics from other people and manifested those physical characteristics in their own body. Or, I am unable to view them as they really are, due to my mind’s limited frame of reference. It is difficult to explain what I see and interpret. There is something distinct about their appearance that is difficult to to understand.

I had noticed them in Hawaii before I moved to California, but I was in a state of survival and fear at that time. I could not welcome anyone into my life after recently experiencing the onslaught from the Nameless thugs. I can still see their faces and what they were wearing on that day near the health food store near S. King and University Ave. I could see the compassion in their eyes. Intention and emotion conveyed by the eyes cannot be faked. I am sorry I missed that opportunity.

I do not know if they are trying to help me or if they are being entertained, by my actions or delusional state of mind. I thought that it might be necessary to post this encounter just in case they are reading this blog (I feel insane, right now, completely insane…). I need to convey to them that I am aware of their efforts, but require a level of assurance of their intentions.

NOTE: This post was published mysteriously. I had not intention of publishing this post yet. For those of you that visit this blog regularly (thank you), you noticed that this initially was a partial draft.