Category: spirituality

Journal: Higher Love

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Self discovery was never easy for me. I believe that is true for many of us. What need would there be for spirituality if this were not true. I have struggled with self discovery, it has been the most important part of my life. I have even denied my self of many aspects of life and living in order to bring about this self discovery. Seems like one of the many contradictions that infest my psyche. A denial of the very thing I am attempting to understand.

I now believe that the cold entity that I described in a previous post is my higher self, my unconscious self; that elusive part of that thing called spirituality. I am struggling to describe my emotions at this time. I am also having difficulty believing, although I am grateful and relieved. I am feeling a little bit like Neo, just before he threw up after exiting the simulation where Morpheus described what the real world was like. “Sometimes the mind has a difficult time letting go”.

The entity (my self) has identified itself, it’s purpose and has performed tasks that I have been familiar with throughout my life. The manner in which it has revealed itself to me was done in a way that was easy for me. I admit that I thought it would have been different, like many of the stories we tell in this society. But, it was more akin to how a parent would approach a long lost child.

More to come…

 

Journal: O.K.

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I have not posted anything here in almost a year. I stopped because my life seemed to have been trapped in a roundabout without any sense of direction or action. I can now see I was subservient to my vices in an attempt try to feel normal. I had stopped meditating because it offered little relief and became a part of the mundane life I was trying to escape. The difficulty was that I was unable to see my life from a fresh perspective or unwilling to see my life as it truly was. When you focus on the fight it sometimes become all you are able to see.

I had came across a video for a new breathing technique by a chiropractor Dr. Joe Dispenza. I was familiar with his research concerning the human mind and consciousness. Dispenza was studying a breathing technique that was facilitating the stimulation of the Pineal gland and the opening of the mind’s (third) eye. The technique was a more subtle method that I had learned from Warren Barigian a voice coach and healer. It was a method that involved contracting muscles along the spinal column and then holding the breath for as long as you can. The technique could be repeated until the desired results are achieved.

I noticed in early June my empathic abilities became more focused. I was getting used to the symptoms of lethargy and low level despondency, but I knew something was different. I began having thoughts or suggestions that would inspire me to do and see things differently. Although I was still indulging in my vices, there was an inner voice forcing me to take a look at myself and the path that I was on. My guardian angels were doing their best to aid in this evolution, but apparently things were not moving fast enough and my deceased godmother stepped in to take a more abrupt approach. She first appeared in an early morning dream to warn me of something that would be challenging later that day. I heeded her warning and was grateful for her efforts.

Mid June I was out on a errand. I saw my godmothers name on a fence, three characters stood out from the graffiti that surrounded it. The letters clearly spelled out her name. It hit me in a way that I could not ignore. A few minutes later I saw her name on a license plate of a nearby car. The license plate was from a Midwestern state where she used to live when I visited her as a child. After returning home I received a reply to a comment I left on YouTube early that morning, part of the user’s name had her name isolated by hyphens and all were capitalized. That definitely got my attention. She became a leading source of guidance for me in the following days.

The breathing technique began to increase my attention regarding the entities I was seeing, feeling, smelling and dreaming. But now, there were a lot more than before. It seemed that the more I acknowledged help from the entities the more they were willing to help, to the point that I was feeling overwhelmed. Song lyrics, feelings of love and gratitude were abundant in my life. I began to take an interest in a person I will refer to as O.K. I can now see that my interest was not a coincidence (matchmaking entities?). When I thought about the O.K. the entities would send me positive emotions and repetitive song lyrics letting me know that the person had a purpose in my life, but they did not tell me how or the why.

Dr. Joe’s technique and the opening of my mind’s eye was beginning to take on a strange and powerful mystical and biological changes. Several years ago I visited a healer by the name of Warren Barigian. Warren accidentally discovered a method to induce a para-conscious state of mind. The para-conscious state induced physiological and psychological changes in the subject, but his work did not center on the energy meridians and the mind’s eye. The work I did on my own neglected the meridians and there was limited effects on the Pineal gland.

I started to have instances when I would lose consciousness and experience para-conscious episodes. I would later find that during Dr. Joe’s workshops people were having these para-conscious experiences and were doing so deliberately. Since utilizing his breathing techniques and concentration of the movement of energy (kundalini) from the root to the Pineal I experienced a new or odd taste in my mouth or possible sensation from the roof of my mouth near the uvula. Disdpenza states that the stimulation of the Pineal via breathing exercises causes the excretion of a powerful antioxidant. This may be the source of the taste and or sensation. I began to see and feel the physical world around me like never before. Food tasted differently. I could feel the floor under my feet as if it was a new sensation. I was more relaxed and happier.

Angels

The presence of entities angels and non human sentient beings continued to increase. Where there were mostly negative entities that I experience and described in my book and this blog, now they were outnumbered. I continued to be overwhelmed but their presence was somewhat comforting. On one particular meditation and breathing session I felt a female presence next to me (still unidentified), seated on my left with her hand on my back as if she was offering support. I began the technique and fell into a para-conscious state more quickly than on an average session. I remember a significant energy release and hearing a crackling sound. I saw streams of blue-ish streaks of light fill my mind’s eye before losing consciousness like a massive electrical discharge. I woke slouched against the wall and extremely shocked, bewildered and speechless. I gathered myself and tried to resume meditation. I focused on my frontal lobe. The swirling white cloud like visual artifact that has been present during my meditation for many years, transformed into an eye, that stared right back at me. The first time I thought ‘come on, really’, but the many times it has happened since, it cannot be denied or ignored. The feeling of lethargy was significant. I saw a orb with a halo on the ceiling above me before it moved into the attic.

It has been a roller coaster ride since that time. I question my sanity on a daily basis. Much has been shown to me. I have been in communication with deceased relatives (grandfather – a significant presence – a rather manly man) and angels that associate themselves with O.K. I have been learning a new language (O.K.’s native tongue) and some of the entities send thoughts to me in that language. I have been having conversations with O.K. (this is where it begins to border feeling delusional again). I am wary of this. This is the sketchy nature of emerging psychic abilities and or psychosis. My thoughts and feelings concerning my sanity are well documented on this blog, but I cannot deny what I will now begin to describe.

Conversations with O.K.

I have daily conversations with O.K. I am not sure if the conversations are with her conscious or unconscious self. Right now there is no way of knowing. How does anyone prove a psychic communication? Normally we just deny they exist, unless it is in the context of religion, as it is still acceptable for a priest to talk to angels, saints and God. The first conversations with entities of unknown origins started in Hawaii and have been documented in my book and earlier journals on this site.

I usually start my conversations with O.K. during the morning, in O.K.’s location. It has been weirdly consistent. When O.K. wakes up I feel it. I look at the clock and I know O.K. is available. (Yeah, I know what your thinking… because I’m thinking it too.) and I start talking. I tell O.K. about my experiences, a sort of therapy for me. I tell O.K. what O.K.’s angels ask me to convey (warnings about people in O.K.’s life). O.K. usually does not respond much and when I do say something O.K. likes I feel an emotion that resembles love. And, I may say something that O.K. does not like it feels like a cold shoulder.

Yesterday when O.K. was waking, I began to talk. This time O.K. was very excited. I could not get a word or thought in. Communication was difficult and I also could feel some kind of interference. My mind’s eye was full of bubble like spheres rising to the surface. As O.K. was able to become calm, O.K. let me know that we are experiencing the same thing regarding negative entities. I then remembered that I told O.K. to visit this site the day before. I remember how that communication was also strained, and I suddenly told O.K. more about myself that I did not state in the past (because I do not share this side of myself with anyone else for obvious reasons). I sat in my office speechless. I was overcome with that feeling that resembles love. The guardians sent me the thoughts of “complete” or “accomplished”. All the song lyrics from a my angels suddenly made sense.

I seem to be caught between my angels helping me and those negative entities that have been a constant force of despair and challenge for over 20 years or more. I have been isolated and keeping this entire saga online, but never meeting anyone with similkar experiences. My angels may have a some kind of plan to bring us together, but it has only happened on a spiritual or mystical level. Things will be very different if and when it manifests in my physical conscious reality. I’ll let everyone know when that happens.

O.K. has become a source of inspiration and hope in ways I choose not to state at this time. The many entities have been suppressed as has my godmother’s presence. I believe my higher self has stepped in to make things easier for me. It has used my mind’s eye to show me my future, or at least a possible future. I see myself happy with a family. It has shown me the runic alphabet and I have been using Rune tiles to improve communication between the mundane and mystical realms. For the most part the Runes have been nothing short of magical.

The Cold Entity

There is also now, what I refer to as, the cold entity that visited me recently. On July 15, 2020 I felt a chill in my office/studio/lab as I was eating in the early evening. The room temp on that day was about 74 degrees F. The temperature is normally 80+ because of the equipment in the room. As I felt the drop in temperature I told the entity that it was not welcome and then told it to get the fuck out, as I do with the other entities that I perceive to be negative. I returned to eating my meal and I thought the words “bite your tongue” and while I was chewing on my food I bit my tongue. It immediately changed my attitude. I did not feel fear, I did not feel anything, but respect. It felt as if the entity was taking a look around and then it left. After its chilling presence subsided I was dumbfounded. I could not understand W.T.F. happened. The rest of the night I was quiet. I was visited by an entity with a substantial presence and nothing short of god like abilities, it took a while to take that in.

July 28 the entity visited me again as I was asking my angel(s) for more protection. It suddenly entered the room. I recognized the chill and a significantly auspicious presence. I wasn’t scared, nor threatened. It was as if the energy level rose and everything became secondary. Everything was focused upon the entity. I asked it for help. I wanted to know how I can better protect myself. It showed me Odin’s rings. While it was in close proximity to me I became overwhelmed and confused. I stated that I cannot remember what I was going to say. I could feel a cold sensation travel from my head down my arm and to my hand that was on top of an image of Odin’s rings I had printed just minutes ago. Its presence then started to subside and then it was gone. That experience still leaves me in awe.

What is Love?

Lately I have had experiences of feeling what can be best described as love. But, it is not love. It has forced me to reevaluate what love is. This is something different and could possibly be the source of all things mentioned in esoteric text of mysticism or the occult. It is otherworldly.

I was shown a tower of blue-ish light one morning. A huge constructed tower with an ornamental cap of some kind. I do not know why I am being shown this. Other than to disseminate the information in some way. I just don’t know. The feeling is more than an emotion. It is a catalyst of some kind. I have experienced it on two occasions last month. The first lasting for 30 minutes and the second lasted 5-6 hours and then diminishing later into the evening. When I experience the energy or emotion I feel invincible, blissful and i want to share it with everyone; much like love. I am familiar with the energy that is associated with the Rune Algiz, but I do not have enough experience to understand it in any regard yet.

Those experiences have changed me for the better. My vices are nonexistent. I feel empowered. My dreams are changing. I meet people (entities) that I feel intimidated while I am near them. The are like royalty possibly similar to or associated with the cold entity. I cannot be sure. My life has taken on a dream like feeling after I wake up. I am apprehensive and cautious about these changes. I don’t know. I do not know how to accept any of it, but I cannot reject it either.

The Elder Futhark Runes

The Rune Algiz, or the Elk, “Rune of the essential link or connection with the patterns of divine or archetypal consciousness, such as the Valkyrie. Rune of the possible danger of realizing this link when unprepared” – RuneSecrets.com

There is difficulty in understanding what I am going through. I have experienced many things I cannot understand on many levels. I cannot be sure that the O.K. I communicate with exists in this dimensional reality, or that it is an illusion or a deception by those negative entities I describe on this site. I can only align myself with those I perceive as being benevolent and continue my attempt to ascend. I perceive O.K. to be among those I choose to align with. I will continue to help O.K. in any way possible. I seek to use the Runes to fortify those alliances and continue on a path that leads to O.K. and what I can only refer to as home. What role I will play in O.K.’s life has yet to be determined, but it is now one of fellowship as we try to battle that which prevents our continued conscious evolution.

Everything I have experienced in the past weeks is a far cry more positive and beneficial than the preceding months and years that have come before them. The daily rune I cast this day was Tiwaz and it signifies obtaining just victory and success in battle. I have not accomplished anything so significant as my communication with O.K. and letting O.K. know that I will help in any way possible. I seem to have gained friends in higher places. I have no idea where I may be heading, but I cannot wait to get there.

I plan to resume posting on this site. I feel it might be what my new allies may want me to continue. We shall see…

I hope to see you soon O.K. Work on opening your mind’s eye. Remember the Runes. Do not eat after sunset in order to prepare to enter the dreamworld of the unconscious, your angels await your arrival and will guide you. I have already met one of your angels in my unconscious dreams and she is excruciatingly majestic, just as you are. This will help to keep the ghoulies away. I will continue to communicate with you daily. Until then…

Para Consciousness

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Nothing exists (that is known) in isolation. Everything in existence either feeds upon something or something feeds upon it. In our physical reality it can be witnessed in our daily lives and actions. We refer to this as the circle of life, but there is much more afoot than we allow ourselves to realize. At the macro level we are at the top of the food chain and we are dependent upon plants and animals for our sustenance. We farm, hunt and process our food to be sold and distributed in order to sustain our life. It is the natural physical reality that offers evidence that we are able to witness how the natural world sustains itself and ourselves.

So if nothing exists in isolation, then what feeds upon us? At the micro level , thanks to technological advancements in microscopes, we know of the existence of bacteria and microscopic life that are important, if not, critical to our physical world. We are dependent upon bacteria living in our gastrointestinal tract to consume food that we consume. The bacteria consume soluble fiber, sugars and other substances then excrete chemicals that are essential to our biological processes. This symbiotic relationship exists in many forms throughout this physical existence.

We are also aware of detrimental biological processes that occur due to the existence of microorganisms that can bring about illness and death. I read an article in Wired magazine back in the late 90s where a microbiologist went into detail describing the war that we are waging against detrimental microorganisms. He stated that humanity has been engaged in this war throughout history and we dance along the very fine line of being overtaken by the microscopic creatures. In the eyes of a microbiologist bacteria are the dominant species of life in our physical reality. Microorganisms outnumber humans on an enormous scale as each human is host to billions of bacteria living on the exterior and interior of our bodies and even in our blood and lymphatic system.

In my life experience there has been one particular point of focus. I did not realize the importance of this conscious and unconscious focus until recently. Throughout my life the image of parasitic worms seemed to demand my attention and occurred often enough for me to maintain a subconscious attention that continues to help understand my conscious relationship with consciousness. There was a time when I thought that I might have some kind of infestation, but that never materialized. I was often puzzled why it continued to garner my attention, but I could not make the connection to why the imagery was important. Until I applied the physical paradigm of the conscious reality to the unconscious reality of our nonphysical existence.

As it is above so it is below, and as it is below so it is above. This axiom can be applied to heaven and earth, conscious and unconscious as well as the infinite levels in between; at any level of consciousness there is always a higher level and a lower level. We know people who are capable of feeding upon another person’s energy. There is a name that is given to those that are capable of doing this, some call them vampires. These people are capable of sucking the life out of another person whether it is intentional of otherwise. There are also people that are capable of providing energy to others in order to bring about a sense of well-being. The presence of certain individuals can manifest a higher level of existence to others in their orbit. We often refer to these people as spiritual or holy.

Where are we in the circle of the unconscious life and existence?  Physically we feed upon the material vibrational energy of plants and animals, but do we feed upon the nonphysical vibrational energy of entities that exist in our unseen orbit? Although I cannot provide any evidence of this yet, I would venture to say that this is so. I do know that nonphysical entities are capable of feeding upon my physical and nonphysical vibrational energies. The battle I wage on a daily basis is to keep these nonphysical, and possibly dimensional parasites from doing intentional, or possibly, unintentional harm. As with physical parasites there are natural and synthetic antibiotics and in the nonphysical realm there are means to provide protection from these creatures and entities of the nonphysical varieties as well.

– Environment –

All things exist in an environment. The bacteria in your gut exist and proliferate because of an environment that is conducive to their life. If the environment is hostile and the organism is capable of altering the environment, its activity will bring about an environment that is favorable to sustain its life or the life of its offspring. This can be both beneficial and detrimental to the host. We see this in parasitic organisms that alter the behavior of hosts in order to transfer the colony to, or infect, other potential hosts. We see this in the behavior of humans that change the environment to be conducive to their particular lifestyle and or culture. Historically we can find evidence that the activity of humanity has not always been beneficial for humanity itself or the host we inhabit called earth or Gia.

At the foundation of all environmental conditions we can point to its vibrational component. Rudimentary studies of plants and their environments have shown that particular types of music can affect plant growth. The vibrational signature of water can affect plants, animals and possibly other aspects of the unseen environment. There is even the orbit of planets and natural satellites that can affect the vibrational environment of this earth and its inhabitants; gravity as a vibration (research theory of Bumblebee using its wings to create a anti-gravitational vibration to manifest flight).

Our brain is an electrical instrument that is capable of detecting vibrations within and environment. We know this because we can interpret vibrational characteristics of an environment with our emotions. Walk into an ancient cathedral and you can feel, emotionally, the vibrational component of the architecture. Color vibration can alter the behavior of animals due to its vibrational component regardless of the ability to see colors. And, we know this because of how color is used, by plants and animals as a means of attraction and protection. Symbols are vibrational images, and constructs, that can transmit meaning; semiotics is the study of symbols. Words are symbols for sound. And, sound is a physical vibrational component that has far-reaching aspects that are often overlooked or remain undiscovered; such as Om..

As a targeted individual I have been subject to electromagnetic vibrations that have altered my state of well-being. I have survived these attacks by using counteractive electromagnetic vibrations and or using various shielding methods. I have endured psychic attacks and have employed various dark art defensive tactics that use sound and physical symbols and gestures as well as meditation. The most effective means of protection is in the creation of a vibrational environment that is beneficial for myself and detrimental to non-beneficial vibrations and entities. What I have recently discovered is when I leave my protected environment I am abruptly confronted with the vibrational environment of our suburbs and cities, and their detrimental affects on my well being.

What I am beginning to see is that our environment is being altered in a manner that seems to support characteristics that are a detriment not only physically (climate change), but possibly creating an opening for nonphysical entities that could be a detriment to the well-being of us all. If you would like to test this for yourself, go to an isolated natural environment, take off your shoes and stand barefoot on the earth or on the banks of a free-flowing river. You will begin to experience sympathetic resonance to the natural environment and you will recognize your natural state of being. Surfers are aware of the withdrawals they suffer when the surf is flat and they are unable to recharge , so to speak. It is not the act of surfing itself, it is the environmental vibrational component that they crave. It is why dolphins surf and why pelicans fly in front of a breaking wave. It is the vibrational energy that is being released and effecting all things within that environment.

Our cities and suburbs are unnatural environments. These man-made environments consist of a combination of beneficial and detrimental vibrational components. Electromagnetic vibrations from computer technology, electrical grids, wireless communications as well as the poorly devised infrastructure contribute to the detriment to our current human condition.

– Para Consciousness –

We must begin to realize that we are not only an inhabitant of this physical reality, but we also inhabit consciousness as a whole. As science begins to entertain the nature of our multidimensional universe, as the catch up to eastern philosophical interpretations of the infinite possible constructs of the whole of consciousness we will begin to see a connection between this physical reality and the nonphysical entities and realities that occupy the same space.

We have plenty of religious text that claim historical records of actual events regarding Gods, demigods, demons/angels and other spiritual entities that exist. And, while 80-90 percent of the world’s population believes in a God or Gods it is difficult to refute that these spiritual beings exist at all. Spiritual beings are so pervasive in our history that without them there would probably be very little need for our spiritual mythology.

As I continue down the rabbit hole of consciousness, I am finding that there exists a physical and nonphysical reality that exists beyond the periphery of our capable vision. I have seen people vanish around a corner without a doorway or exit in sight. I have seen the black smoke type apparitions associated with the demons or Jinn. I was tormented by a black shadowy figure with a hat in my dreams. I am in communication with entities on a daily basis and warned of particular detrimental choices. I have seen orbs and have received information or actual items presented to me in times of need. But, I have also discovered that the vibration of your current physical and nonphysical form can be manipulated to control your existence on a particular level of reality. What I have often referred to as a yo-yo affect of changing level of consciousness regards my attempt to ascend and the existence of other nonphysical entities to keep me from my quest for ascension.

My interpretation of what I experience begins to verify that there exist a para-conscious reality that exists between the conscious and unconscious realities that we inhabit. It may very well be that these entities are very much like us, but they have mastered their conscious and unconscious existence and have the ability to influence and control this existence and all those that inhabit it. What is at the crux of their control and influence is our sympathetic frequency that we share with them.

This reality is rife with depression, violence, conflict, and general dissatisfaction and it has been designed this way to continue the and increase the influence and control. I know this because that I am capable of elevating my vibrational signature and when I do so I experience a very different, somewhat peaceful, alternate conscious reality until that vibrational signature is countered. I have also recently determined that most of my aches and maladies are caused by unconscious entities from the para-conscious, and can be relieved by a thought or changing the vibrational frequency of the ailing part of my physical and nonphysical self with plant extracts via vaporization (smoke), direct application and ingestion.

I am confident in my methods that when I routinely experience these attempts at influence and control I can counter the effects and go about my life without worry. What is concerning is that my view is not shared with the majority of people who are part of my conscious experience. I see when people are under the influence of unseen entities. I can see when I am being influenced and when this happens the best defense is the realization that my actions are not my own. Once I turn my inner eye towards the source and focus my attention on the influence it will always subside. In a world full of unnecessary distractions remaining attentive to you thoughts and emotions is difficult and for some impossible.

This (our) reality is far more mysterious than we allow ourselves to experience and even when we experience something para-normal we dismiss it altogether, but when we experience a holy para-normal event people will travel vast distances to witness the mystery. There is so much happening right in front of us and when you allow yourself to acknowledge these para-normal events they will begin to become more abundant and very normal day-to-day events. And, as witness these para-conscious events and focus out attention on them benevolent events will increase and negative detrimental events will subside. I think I read a passage that said to have been written by Jesus (cannot find it now) where he stated that being attentive to you thoughts and actions was important in ones spiritual endeavors. That would be a great place to start in order to combat any influence and control from our unseen environment of the unconscious.

 

Journal: Astral Plane

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When I was a young child, under the age of 10, I would have what I thought were dreams. I would force myself to wake up, but the dream would continue. I would go to my mother’s bedside and try to explain what was happening, but like most parents she did not understand. I would sit at her bedside until the dream ended, one foot in this reality and the other in another. I have mentioned this phenomena in past posts and in my book. I did not know what was happening until recently discovering that I was visiting or viewing the Astral Plane.

The waking dreams have subsided and I have not had a fully immersive experience since childhood. I have had similar experiences while I sleep, but they end abruptly when I realize that I am dreaming and wake up. I feel the physical sensations wear off slowly as I regain consciousness. During meditation and before sleep I am able to feel the waking dream begin, but I am unable to sustain the connection and the experience fades. I now think that there might be some interference, prickling sensations from an unknown source.

The waking dreams were fully immersive. I could feel myself getting bigger, expanding in size and being able to see farther into the distance. Large transparent beings and possibly animals are walking around me. I could hear and sense everything around me, the experience was overwhelming. I was able to perceive both realities of this conscious experience and, what I now know to be, the astral plane. Physical and auditory sensations that were very much like my psychedelic hallucinations later in my life.

I have recently discovered that I am not normal, average or run of the mill. I can close my eyes and see an, aurora like, energy field moving in front of my eyes. I am having waking dreams, more commonly called astral sight with greater frequency. This sight occurs during meditation and mostly when I am between conscious and unconscious states. It seems as though this astral state washes over me and I can view a monochrome environment somewhat shadowy, but also defined, sometimes appearing like a photographic negative. My intuition is persistent and reliable. While under attack in Honolulu I was having mental (thought) conversations with other entities that I now understand to exist on the astral plane (it would have been nice to know this back then) – [Note: During the initial conversation she stated that they had a lot to lose, a lot of work would be lost if I proceeded]. Some of these experiences I thought were normal, while the other more extreme experiences I thought were my gradual descent into insanity.

I am posting this now because of a recent astral event I had after posting Psychic Attack? Several minutes after the post the astral event washed over me and I closed my eyes and began the dreamlike experience. I saw a man in what looked like khaki shirt and pants. I could not make out his face, but I did see him gesture at me. He was shaking his finger at me as if saying no, or don’t do that. I snapped out of it. I was a bit shaken because it was the first time (that I can remember) a character in the vision did something like this. I have had others dream states where I heard someone say my name to wake me up, but nothing like this has happened before.

I remain defiant. I have a finger I’d like to shake at him and it’s not the index finger. So, now I have reached a point where my antagonists are appearing to me and warning me. For the past seven to ten years, possibly more. I have had to endure their interference and meddling in my life. I have seen them watching me from a distance in my conscious and unconscious experiences. I cannot remember their attempt to contact me and explain to me what I was experiencing. Now I have evolved to a point where they are forced into more drastic measures to deter my progress. I feel that it is far too late for that.

With all of these new experiences from my antagonists and my allies, I am able to tell the difference between the two. My allies always protect me and offer guidance in persistent subtle ways. My antagonists know ony one way, it is the posture of a bully, one of perceived superiority, of arrogance, of petty character and one of fear.

A message to those that stand in my way.

“Try looking into that place where you dare not look! You’ll find me there, staring out at you!” – Frank Herbert, Dune.

Or, use your abilities to see into the future, you know there is no stopping me. I have come too far to turn back now, I could not stop even if I tried (and you know I have tried). The expansion of my conscious and unconscious self is not something I have control over now. Unlike those dreams I had when I was a child, this experience is building in depth and breadth with no apparent end in sight, coming together into one. I have cast aside my oars and have settled into floating downstream. You had your chance to offer assistance (guidance), but you chose to use the axe. You have taken from me all that I have ever held dear. I literally have nothing to lose. One of your minions recently said to me that “there are rules”. There are only a few rules that I live by. One significant rule is to do no harm. I suggest you abide by that rule, because karma can be a bitch when empowered by the focus of my evolving will. You should be familiar with the axioms of this realm: cause and effect, rhythm of the pendulum, etc… You will be consumed by your own deeds. Let me go my own way.

Ready or not…

P.S. I am grateful for your part in manifesting my evolution. You and your kind have been a catalyst for my transformation. I could not have done it without you. Now that I understand that this is where I have always wanted to be, I can’t possibly explain the scope of my desires now. The possibilities are truly without measure. Can you feel it? That pressure building? You know you can no longer contain it. At this point in time you must begin to understand that you have already failed.

Journal: How Do I know I Am Me?

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In our conscious lives we have a system of collecting information pertaining to identification; identity. That information is something you can carry with you in case you have to prove you are who you say you are. Does a system exist in the greater unconsciousness that is used to identify my formless self?

Is identity necessary in the whole of consciousness? Without identity, we would literally be one…

As it is above, so it is below.

Journal: Be Careful What You Ask For

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It has suddenly occurred to me that I asked for everything that I have experienced.

This emotionally significant thought just occurred to me after some reading and thinking. I remember that I used to say that I could not remember asking for the pain and suffering I have endured. I remember I adamantly stated “who would want to experience a life like this, it doesn’t make any fucking sense to ask for this shit…”. I remember not asking for any of this, but what I wanted most was to ascend, to see the truth and to evolve. I now, feeling a bit giddy, understand that I received exactly what I needed to get me where I am right now.

Abraham was right. The law of attraction is constant and consistent.

Journal: The Tick

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After yesterday’s post I have been under a relatively constant attack. There is a moderate dull ache on the left side just below my rib cage. It varies in intensity and a bit of a casual annoyance. (This attack is not as intense as the attack I endured when I was reading a 2009 article about a UK policeman observing Tall White Aliens inspecting a crop circleI. The article kind of jumped out at me as these things usually do. I have been a fan of crop circles, I love the geometry and they make great mandalas for meditation.) I am familiar with these kinds of attacks because they are part of their attempt to condition or control my behavior. This method is no longer that effective since I now know where the attacks originate from and they have been happening for some time now.

Since this attack was constant I was able to experiment with some various methods to protect myself. The methods are mostly from Robert Bruce’s book Practical Psychic Self Defense and work very well, but I was also able experiment with some of my own alchemical methods from the energy devices I have developed over time. The most effective method has a lot to do with symbols of alchemy created in 3D form. I receive an immediate releif and then the ache will build back over time. I cannot disclose the specifics at this time because I do not want to completely disclose my hand, so to speak.

The attack is similar to a leach attaching to a part of the body, but let’s say that the leach did not deploy an anestetic so you can feel it feeding on your body. Or, similar to a tick bite or some other blood sucking vermin. As I and Robert Bruce concur they are parasitic in nature, but I am not sure if or what they are feeding on.

bruce
Scanned image from Rober Bruce’s book Practical Psychic Self Defense used as a visual representation of witches, negative entities and the like.

Robert Bruce states that an entity can create a psychic link to the victim. That link is like a thread (or proboscis) used to inflict pain or damage. One discovery I made was that the link between the entity and my body is a two way link. I can use the link to move energy back to the source. If the link is one of the dark art use of an effigy of the victim, then the attack can be reflected back upon the source.

I have to admit that I have become a bit of a nerd when it comes to these attacks. Instead of worrying about the attack I now jump at the opportunity to use the attack to test and strengthen my knowledge. Attitude and will are very important factors in the defense of these attacks. I beleive the attacks are designed to degrade well being and incite fear. The maintenance of a positive attitude becomes easier when you have the right kind of knowledge (shinning light upon the dark arts).

Interestingly, I have not yet figured out why the attacks subside when I am writing a post for this blog, or how the entity knows I posted on the blog at all. Possibly a quirk in the whole of consciousness I have yet to discover.

Thank you, may I have another…

Crossed Words

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Just a short post I had to write since I could not get back to sleep this morning…

Something unexpected is happening in regard to my evolving realization concerning the nature of this reality within the confines of consciousness. I have been grappling with past and current experiences and they are now beginning to make sense. It is a lot like looking over a crossword puzzle you have been working on for a while, but today you look over it and those unanswered items make sense and the letters just fall into the right places. You begin to see how all the questions are related and dependent upon one another.

Yesterday I ran some errands and drove around the inner city and highways. My conscious environment was pleasant and mostly unobstructed. I am still in awe of much of what I see in relation to my new world view. It is interesting to continue living my life knowing that it is nothing but a dream. When I run into a problem this notion washes over me and something within me just can’t be bothered with it. I accept it for what it is, just as I would accept a similar experience when waking up from my unconscious dreams during rest. I have to say that it is liberating in that it is now easy to detach my emotions from those experiences. Detachment was that eastern philosophical component that alluded me since learning about it some time ago.

One thing has occurred that was not expecting (how could I…). I just can’t seem to care about a lot of things anymore. This is something I need to be mindful of. Emotional detachment as I have stated above is liberating, but I do not want to become a psychopath. I was once active in caring about the environment, but not so much anymore. I ask myself how can I care about something that is a component of a dream?

As I begin to grasp the concept of consciousness as an illusion created in the conscious mind as an assembly of temporal particles existing only to precipitate into this physical reality within infinite levels and dimensions. Why should I care what happens to me or anything at all? There is at least a positive component in regards to my detachment. I may not care much, but I know that it is what it is for that moment and I can step back and see it that way. At those times I am completely lucid and upon that realization I become a part of the audience observing this reality from a new and different venue. There seems to be structure in the chaos. It is a lot like being in the zone or flow of life, and because of this I am more inclined to go along for the ride…

I am deeply in awe of this new paradigm and there is still a component of admiration and respect for everything that exists within consciousness. I may have to anchor myself with this thought for the time being. But, there is the usual hustle and bustle of everyone else around me trapped in their materialistic world view that I just can’t be bothered with (not always a good experience). I am experiencing tremors that are rocking the foundation of my frame of reference forcing me to release long held concepts I used to make sense of my old view of this reality. There is emotional pressure I can feel, but I cannot sense where that pressure originates. Interesting indeed…

What is another word that could describe a waking dream? Within our social and cultural context dreams are defined as fantasies, hallucinations, trances, dazes, hazes and stupors. I cannot find a word within the English language that best describes this new reality. Simulation or virtual describe something made up and something real is confined to the materialistic philosophy and tangibility (not really a word). Interestingly there are a lot of words that we can use to describe our physical experience within this reality.

Who is Elisa Lam?

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https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/EfqxN5DHFvU&source=uds

The Prevention of Ascension – www.i-am-xam.com

Daily Journal

I came across this video from a Targeted Individual Facebook group. Most of the attacks I describe on this site and in my ebook are mentioned in this video. There seems to be a lot of people being experimented on and controlled with weapons and a means of influencing the thoughts of people with microwave technology.

The above video has offered proof that what I have been experiencing is not a result of my lack of sanity. What I have endured and still endure is a real effort to silence what I have discovered. Even though I remained silent for a bout a year the microwave electromagnetic radiation did not. During that year, I continued to experiment with methods to increase my bioelectric and spiritual energy and they ensured that anything I did to raise my energy levels they countered with these weapons.

For me there is still unanswered questions I have concerning those I refer to as the Nameless. They seem to be at the center of this in my experiences. My relationship with these people is tangled. I recently stumbled across a few of them and in response to this they sent another stalking perp with a handler to try and scare me again. These are the same people I can sense when they are near me. They can sense me also, and often try to run off while hiding their face from me. What happens to them when I see their face? It is a strange aspect of my experiences. It seems like I am able to expose them, but to whom?

A lot of this is beginning to unravel for myself and others. When I hear the testimonials of victims I shutter in recognition of what they have to endure. I recall my own experiences and the hell they put me through, but what saddens me the most is that there is a group of people willing to do this to another person. There is someone (something) sitting at the controls and aiming a microwave weapon at them to torture them and to control them. Considering the amount of people reporting some kind of control or torture there must be thousands of people operating this technology. Who would do such a thing? Who would work at a job that tortures people on a daily basis? I never thought that it would be possible for a human being to do such a thing to another human being. The thought sickens me. What state of mind must a person be in to participate in torturing targeted individuals? A very sick mind…

One characteristic I have noticed. Whenever I had been mistaken by one of the minions of the Nameless, to be one of the Nameless, they have offered to help me. I have been helped in stores by people that did not work at the store. It was as if I they were programmed to respond. Women have stood next to me with their heads slightly lowered waiting subserviently to be acknowledged by me. I have run into many store cashiers that had suddenly become strangely confused and disoriented when I am purchasing goods. It makes me wonder if these people are mind controlled slaves for the Nameless. I have often hinted at this sort of thing, but the above evidence presented in the video might be used to create these mindless slaves. This is even a bit too much for even me to want to believe.

I have faith that this sort of thing cannot continue. I believe that consciousness cannot sustain such evil and unchecked malevolence. Karma is a law of consciousness that cannot be ignored or avoided. It is the force of karma that has allowed this information to be disseminated and once more people become aware of this the more these people and their organization will be revealed. Once it is out in the open the people of the world no longer allow it, and better yet consciousness will not be able to sustain such evil.

Watch the video (there are two parts) and visit the site. Tell other people about this strange thing called targeted individuals and gang stalking. Help us spread the word about this tragic era of torture and mind control we have entered unknowingly.

.

Daily Journal

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I have placed my online journal on Google Docs. The journal can be viewed here for anyone interested in following my madness a bit more intimately.
 – https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vRTnAF4oonh_EgKe6-Qm9pq563T94zXqSFRjtuLV3TA/edit?usp=sharing –

I am getting into the habit of updating my journal via my iPhone during the day. Most of the thoughts are the inspiration for a blog post here. I do this mainly to track my progress or my mental decline. We’ll see how this goes.

The Others

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a21db-img_7483.jpgThere has been some activity from those I call The Others. I have no idea what their agenda may be. I started to see them in the places I usually go since I started to resume posting on this blog. They are friendly and usually reach out to me in some way. I am unable to discern them from the Nameless on most occasions since I am in a constant state of mistrust.

I encountered one of them in a Mall (another prior to this event in a local hardware store), but perceived them as one of the Nameless. I was in an altered state of mind that day. I felt a little light headed and agitated. This feeling subsided once I returned home. I cannot be sure if the Nameless were responsible for this feeling, but it did serve to alter my perception of the ‘Other’ person that was sitting nearby (the details of my encounter is intentionally vague to protect  the identity of the person I saw – not understanding their relationship with the Nameless).

They look as if they took certain positive physical characteristics from other people and manifested those physical characteristics in their own body. Or, I am unable to view them as they really are, due to my mind’s limited frame of reference. It is difficult to explain what I see and interpret. There is something distinct about their appearance that is difficult to to understand.

I had noticed them in Hawaii before I moved to California, but I was in a state of survival and fear at that time. I could not welcome anyone into my life after recently experiencing the onslaught from the Nameless thugs. I can still see their faces and what they were wearing on that day near the health food store near S. King and University Ave. I could see the compassion in their eyes. Intention and emotion conveyed by the eyes cannot be faked. I am sorry I missed that opportunity.

I do not know if they are trying to help me or if they are being entertained, by my actions or delusional state of mind. I thought that it might be necessary to post this encounter just in case they are reading this blog (I feel insane, right now, completely insane…). I need to convey to them that I am aware of their efforts, but require a level of assurance of their intentions.

NOTE: This post was published mysteriously. I had not intention of publishing this post yet. For those of you that visit this blog regularly (thank you), you noticed that this initially was a partial draft.

Life is But A Dream

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Seven pointed star that jumped out at me while channel surfing – Game of Thrones
A sacred symbol in Wicca and Alchemy – Sacred Geometry

The Prevention of Ascension – www.i-am-xam.com

Daily Journal

I am shifting between levels of consciousness. I have mentioned this before, but these shifts are no longer subtle or easy to dismiss. I witness events and then the following day(s) I am unable to verify that they actually happened. I ask a person involved in the event about an event and they stated that they did’t know what I am talking about. Or, I have an experience I cannot physically verify the following days. This could be a sign of my increased insanity, my life would be easier if I was, but the fact that I am aware of this and attentive to these experiences is a good sign. My interest is how I may be able to use or integrate this quantum weirdness and its meaning? I am experimenting with my life consciously, some may say recklessly, since I believe that I have nothing to lose. After all, sanity is actually an agreed upon acceptable level of behavior set by a society that is far from sane.

Dreams have taken on a realistic character and I wonder if I am dreaming these instances where and I am unable to verify them when I am awake. This could possibly be the merging of my conscious and subconscious mind. Sleep seems to be some kind of interrupt between levels of consciousness or the conscious and subconscious. Waking up day to day is no longer the same mundane experience, each day is different, as if I have more choices (increased ability to manifest and create my reality). If I fall asleep during the day (nap) I can sense that something has changed after I wake up. It is not always clear to me what has changed, but I notice a change in what I focus upon. This has increased as I devote more tim and consistency to meditation. My meditation sessions have changed with greater focus, purpose and ease.
I seem to be entering a change in my life. It is very similar to dreaming. I am observing my waking life as if I am dreaming. The best way to describe this is to say I am detached from it as if I was part of the audience. I am caught between simultaneously participating and observing in this dream of my life. It is a strange feeling, but also comfortable in that it feels right, almost normal.

Nature responds to me. I sit in a parking lot waiting for an appointment and I am overcome with contentment. I feel compelled to look at a nearby tree and as I focus my gaze upon the tree I notice that it is shimmering in the sun light. It feels like I am picking up the vibration and resonating with it. The contentment grows and I thank the tree (nature) for the experience.

There is a large hill that I pass by on a certain road while cycling. The hill has a certain vibration or energy about it. I stop and take time to soak up this energy. As I focus my gaze upon the hillside I feel the contentment that I feel while in nature, something I have experienced in the past while living near the Santa Cruz mountain range. There is a strange feeling that a doorway or portal is opening, as if I was being invited. I don’t know if it is a feeling or just a desire, my desire to escape this reality.

I am starting to believe that nature is the physical manifestation of consciousness. This is difficult to explain. When we dream while sleeping we create a construct in order for us to interact with the dream. There are the basic characteristics in order for us to function, ground, light, tactile senses, sound, etc. While we are awake, nature is the same thing. Nature is the physical aspect of the dream, but it is conscious and interactive  when presented with the correct state of mind.

The Nameless seem to be aware of this change and have been active in suppressing this change with their electromagnetic radiation. One thing I did notice is that I am recovering faster. The latest volley of radiation was at the levels of when I lived in Hawaii. Just recently the satellite TV signal dropped at the onset of the attack. I was almost incapacitated, but never an ounce of fear entered my mind. I just entered my faraday cage and fell asleep. The following day I usually feel fatigued, but I rode to Grant Ranch taking Quimby Rd. back home, not an easy task. 
Skipping

There are days when the Nameless do not interfere with my life. They are not present. Their slaves are not overt in their activities. My life is normal (whatever that means). There are also days when I feel I have ascended to a higher state of consciousness, life is crisp, clean, smooth and flowing. I see some of the Nameless (we are attracted to one another). I interact with them and then they notice something about me that is different. Fear and surprise is usually the response I get and they watch me closely until either party leaves. The following day I notice a change (as noted above – shifting levels of consciousness) and the level of radiation is higher as if I was a flame that they were trying to extinguish. I then notice that I am back at a familiar level one that is full of their slaves and absent of those with higher levels of consciousness, dark and dreary. I feel like a stone skipping across a lake. Sometimes I can sustain the skip, sometimes I sink.
Lucid

My current experiments concern my vulnerability when I am asleep. They have been successful in influencing me while I sleep. Since I have been making changes in where I sleep I have been waking up refreshed without a depressed state of mind. I seem to be able to protect myself from most of their effort to influence my waking dream state. Consciousness seems to be more malleable than I thought possible. Once you begin an awakened relationship with consciousness, consciousness responds. Being attentive and patient during my waking state is necessary to witness all that consciousness is conveying. Things pop out and others fade into the background. Consciousness communicates directly in this manner once it has your attention it will stream a series of events together. I am not too adept in interpretation at this time, but I am learning.

Images, stories, articles, people, locations jump out at me. I can search for  something online and be lead to a specific site with a subject that is too compelling to ignore. If I do ignore it, I find myself back at the site. The little television I watch I end up catching the same movie at the same scene until I acknowledge the message (or what I believe to be the message). It’s actually pretty annoying until I figure out the message. I have recently come to understand that people who are clairvoyant have these experiences. I don’t consider myself to be clairvoyant.

https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/LcbCafpvIT0&source=uds

NOTE: One of the things that popped out was a video on extraterrestrial disclosure. I have no evidence that extraterrestrials exist and I have never seen one. I perceive The Nameless to be human with a higher state of consciousness. Many of their malevolence and petty characteristics are evidence of their humanity. I have not seen any evidence that they are highly evolved, if so they would not be malevolent.

When malevolence is part of the social construct of a society you get this reality (poverty, war, suffering). When benevolence is the only paradigm within a social construct the possibilities are endless. The conscious trajectories of each social construct completely differ in speed (evolution) and direction (purpose) that they may never cross paths in the infinite space within the whole of consciousness. 

I am skeptical all of UFO’s (this will persist until I see one myself), although I did claim in my ebook that the initial attacks were from some kind of aerial vehicle. Other beings on other planets and levels of consciousness is something that I believe, but have no evidence to support this, yet.
What is the message in this video? I don’t know yet. I’ll try and post these pop out messages from my conscious experiences here so you can help me interpret what might be happening.

Chess Match

The game I am playing with the Nameless gets a little to intense at times. I get caught up (distracted) with them and lose sight of what I intend to accomplish (ascend beyond their kind). The previous post was an indication of this. I was provoking them and they were responding. As things escalated I needed to take a step back and assess how my thoughts and actions were effecting my reality (my attention to them retains them within my conscious reality). I am back at it again (posting and provoking), so the Nameless need to call their spook to gas up that motorcycle and follow me on my bike rides up the mountain again. It is interesting how they are able to introduce characters into my waking dreamworld and effect my actions and thoughts, fascinating to say the least…

Hacked

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Been working on reestablishing some accounts associated with my sites. It looks like my Facebook site as well as the site I use for http://www.i-am-xam.com’s email has been infiltrated. No known damage, but I could have lost some email from the past few weeks, after I started posting again. This is the second time this has happened, that I know of. I must be doing something right.

If you attempted to contact me and received a reply send it again, it might not have been me. If you did not get a reply from a previous email, send it again also.