Journal: Training Day

What is always a refreshing aspect of my challenge to live a life of freedom within the constraints of this illusion, is the response I receive from my antagonists for my defiant actions. Today I get to bathe in the oppressive electromagnetic radiation for the post I published yesterday concerning the “sonic attack” reported in the news. Their response affirms that my actions were appropriate for my cause.

The robotic nature of the response is something that I have grown accustomed to over the past seven years of escalated attacks since Hawaii. It comes and goes and yet I still have not changed my behavior. There must be some kind of dislocation regarding how time is perceived in relation to this level of consciousness and whatever dimensional reality they exist within. For the past seven years I have evolved, but they have not. This aspect of their behavior has been noted by others as well. I see it as an exploitable characteristic, they are vulnerable if they are incapable of evolving and adapting to change.

At this moment the level of radiation has diminished. My current and consistent acts of defiance may eventually wear them down. In the end, I know I have already won, even if there is no end for my immortal soul…

These are happier times. Remaining in this state of happiness is my most potent weapon. They may have mastered consciousness, but they have not mastered me.

We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment
We are choosing to be here right now
Hold on, stay inside…

This holy reality, this holy experience
Choosing to be here in…
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in…
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion


In this holy reality, in this holy experience
Choosing to be here in…
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in…
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion

Twirling round with this familiar parable
Spinning, weaving round each new experience
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing
A chance to be alive and breathing

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember, we are eternal
All this pain is an illusion

Down The Rabbit Hole

When anyone attempts to describe this other level of consciousness you often run into the film “The Matrix”. I have used the film as an example because the film was a significant emotional event in my life, not entirely due to the film itself, but because if triggered something dormant within me that surfaced as an awakening of sort. After the viewing the film I was resonating on a higher level and perceived my conscious reality differently. I perceived time differently. Some thoughts were manifesting before me as if they were commanded to appear in real-time. It was one of those rare events where my unconscious self was screaming at me to pay more attention. This awakened state did not last very long and the following day, after sleeping, I was back to my normal mundane perceptions. This was prior to my use of Psilocybin and my harrowing session into the void.

David Icke has entered my conscious reality many times throughout my life. Most of the time I have taken what he stated with a few grains of salt. This time however David has reentered my life after a series of recent enlightening events and now some of (foundational views pertaining to artificial intelligence or conscious simulation) Davids’s views are starting to synchronize with my own, which is a bit unsettling, because David’s views were a bit out there even for me (reptilian and the like).

The reason why I watched and now post this video is because I am finding that my antagonists or those that are actively preventing my ascension are not of this physical dimension. I still must acknowledge that there are people (physical human entities) that continue to be obstacles in my conscious environment. These human entities are, as Carissa Conti has experienced, under the influence or possessed by these extradimensional (not extraterrestrial) beings. I have had experiences where I met a person familiar to my family and she was one of the people who I call “the others”. She and I could not stand next to each other without feeling anxious or agitated. After she left the house I suffered an attack, similar to having the life drained out of me. The next time I saw her all the adverse feelings were absent. Her behavior was completely different from our first encounter and I did not suffer an attack afterwards. I have had numerous experiences (some corroborated by family members) where strange behaviors from strangers have occurred, mostly waving at me and acting as if someone hit pause, leaving them with a blank stare as if looking into the distance, when I approached them.

There have been numerous experiences that I now interpret as some other kind of influence acting upon myself or someone in close proximity. I have been momentarily been taken over when I have been in immediate danger, like a failsafe being activated to ensure my safety. I have also had experiences that were interpreted to protect someone else. If for some reason I perceive a person as a threat, I will encounter a kind of psychic intervention that favors that person. If I engaged in an argument with a person (that I now know to be under the influence of dimensional entities) I will find my throat tighten and find it difficult to speak (Matrix movie scene: “what good is a phone call if you are unable to speak” Neo’s mouth seals shut). The last physical altercation I had found myself in during the late 90s (a man touching my girlfriend inappropriately), I was unable to land a punch and ended up with a black eye. And, when I attended the local sail boat show I was attacked psychically when I approached a particular salesperson.

These are just a few of the numerous anomalous experiences I have had to date. Now,  I am learning to protect myself from the daily attacks with incantations I learned from Robert Bruce. I cannot explain how it works other than that it provides relief from the perceived physical and psychic attacks I have endured for the past 11 years or more. I have stated that I am a shaman, but recent activity concerning mysticism has gone to another level entirely.  Since the use of these methods there has been a shift in my conscious experiences. The yo-yo (pendulum) effect has diminished. I am more capable of maintaining a kind of equilibrium or homeostasis consciously. My unconscious experiences have normalized and do not exhibit the chaotic swings toward fear and despair. The most recent attacks that have left me with sudden health problems and people stating that I look tired and rundown have ended.

I am finding my way through. The extensive amount of people who once watched me and that I encountered when I first discovered that I was a targeted individual has dropped significantly. These people were either possessed, paid or forced to do something they probably did not understand. The last two people that were overtly watching me looked very concerned that I was going about my business without being influenced negatively. The two men stood out as “the others” always do with a kind of matte finish in the way light reflects off of them (best interpretation of what I see and feel). They were not happy with what they saw.

The ancient Gnostics were correct in the way they interpreted consciousness. They used the current vocabulary to express what they were experiencing. There are a lot of people other than Ike that are using our current terminology to describe our conscious experiences, such as artificial intelligence and simulations. What is interesting is that after a several thousand years the fundamental aspects of consciousness are actually the same, we just have different ways of interpreting what we are seeing and feeling. The only thing that has evolved is the sophistication of the illusion or simulation. There are far too many points of distraction. Far too many people support, protect and insure the continuance of the program (System Matrix, etc.). We even have a desire to propagate this illusion to other parts of the solar system without knowing that there lies an infinite universe of possibilities right here before us, right here and now.

Time 22:55 – In the presentation David talks about the limitations of these entities that ht home. He talks about the inability of these entities to create or imagine and are robotic in nature.

My experience has been spot on. Attacks happen depending on the time of day, the position of the sun and moon as if on a schedule or using a window of opportunity. I have often felt that these entities are intellectually challenged, but they cannot be if they are able to manipulate this level of consciousness and our perceptions to a point. They are limited possibly because they have evolved to a point where creative imagination is unnecessary or they are not of this dimension and cannot perceive everything. Mind parasites or as I called them parasites of consciousness are dependent upon humanity for whatever purpose and this is a exploitable condition of our unwanted relationship with them. They need us. At this time I cannot imagine a scenario where humanity needs them. To be free of them would mean that humanity would ascend beyond their ability to limit, interphere and influence us.

Call them what you like and history has given them many names (Gods, Demigod, demon, angel, jinn, ghost, spirit, aliens, extraterestrials, etc.) They have been ‘here’ since the beginning, but it is up to each individual to realize the true nature of this conscious experience and push past the illusory veil of our corporeal conscious reality. At this time I do not believe that a savior will come and free us in mass. I do think that the savior narrative fits well into scheme of this reality. There are a vast amount of people who are willing to wait (a few more thousand years) to be rescued, I am not one of them.  I am willing to risk everything to find a way to conscious liberty right now.

The past few weeks have been enlightening in a strange way. My view of what would be my own personal narrative as I conquered any and all obstacles never entailed parasitic dimensional entities, demonic possession, gatekeepers to a false conscious reality or unknow negative entities. But, I did surprise myself when I just took it all in stride and said “whatever it takes” bring it on…

I do have (I beleive everyone has) a very powerfull ally, my unconscious formless self. I do not know much about it (yet, it has my attention), but I do know that it is happy that I have realized its presence and potential. At last, I have someone I can trust implicitly. It makes a difference when you have someone on the inside, so to speak. Ready or, not here I come.

“What a long strange trip it’s been…”

Expansion of Consciousness

As I watched this video I could not help thinking about the law of attraction. Aside from “The Secret” and their watered down version of the law of attraction, this video unwittingly does a good job to support the concept.

We are on the leading edge of thought and the expansion of consciousness is our only purpose. At this very moment we exist on the very edge of the now. If you pay attention you can bear witness to the future unfolding before you.

Journal: Wax On, Wane Off

TLE2018Jan31-1167wI am witnessing a developing relationship with lunar cycles. I can expect my conscious environment to be effected by the waxing and waning lunar events. I am starting to become more attentive and abide by the perceived (wax and wane) energies. I witness the effects of these energies on those around me and how their behavior is affected.

My attention focuses upon the now and how it foreshadows the future. I find myself adrift within a dream upon a semi-synchronistic landscape. I am having difficulty determining if I am creating and perceiving my immediate experiences or if I am riding through a flurry of belated thoughts and desires. The transition between navigating and surrendering control is chaotic, and very unnerving, but I am committed to letting go.

As the intensity increases there is not much that can be done. Once you commit there is little that you can do knowing that you cannot go back. With every lunar cycle comes another pulse of energy to move me toward what I desire most. Humbled by the passing of every new moon.

Lost Vegas

A small group prays at a makeshift memorial for victims of the Las Vegas massacre. Drew Angerer/Getty Images
“Do not go gentle into that good night.
  Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” 
Dylan Thomas – 1914-1953

I was compelled to write this post. My perceived allies and my intuition guided my attention as I was reading about the shooting incident in Las Vegas. I was mainly interested in the perpetrator and the why he committed such a crime. As I read about the limited testimonials from neighbors and people that he encountered daily, it began to sound familiar. Possibly a little too familiar for comfort…

I have to say that my opinion is pure speculation and I have no evidence to offer that supports my opinion. But, when I read about how Stephen Paddock behaved I began to recognize that he behaved much like I do, a targeted individual. When you are a targeted individual you tend to isolate yourself from others. Your trust in other people is diminished. When you have to encounter others you do so in a limited manner. You do not want to draw attention to yourself nor spend too much time talking to strangers. Because you are being constantly surveilled you keep the blinds shuttered to preserve what little privacy you have left. You do not have relationships with you neighbors, everyone is suspect. Mobility is key and having the ability to move from one location to another provides a perception of liberty, one that may or may not exist.

Being a targeted individual is a psychological battle with an organization that views the target as a threat. Constant overt surveillance is a means to tear down the target’s mental stability. Information about the target is used to ensure that the target perceives that the organization is always watching and that there is no escape. When the target plans to go to a particular location the organization makes sure that there is sufficient overt surveillance at the location when the target arrives. What has always baffled me is how they knew where I was going even though I never allowed a plan to exist outside of thinking about it (spooky mind reading technology, people with prescience or calculated logistics based on behavior because we are creatures of habit). The purpose is to erode the target’s trust of, and a place within, the social construct or at least the immediate community as well as to further isolate the target from social contact. The organization wants to make the target paranoid and an outcast. In my case, fear was a persistent state of mind. Constant fear can erode all of life’s energy and subverts one’s conscious perceptions of the self, rendering them a ‘low-life’ thus containing the threat.

If the targeted individual is exposed to electromagnetic and or sonic weapons (has used upon American Diplomats in Cuba) further degradation of the target’s mental state is possible. Constant electromagnetic exposure wears the target down, then the weapons are used to modify behavior somewhat like an invisible shock collar would be used to modify the behavior of a pet. When you behave the weapons are turned down or off and when you misbehave the weapons are turned up. The purpose is to control the target’s behavior (thoughts) or to force the target to seek help from family members or the local government. If the target does seek help they will not receive the help they want and will have difficulty providing evidence to substantiate their claims and possibly be labeled insane. So, like myself Stephen Paddock (if my speculation is correct) kept quiet, kept to himself and tried to maintain a portion of his once normal life.

Encountering people within the organization (either subordinate minions or people I refer to as “The Others”) usually is not a positive experience. They are dismissive and have an air of exclusivity. They usually let you know that you are not welcome. They can and usually do everything they can to make you uncomfortable so that you do not want to return or encounter them again. This happens at various levels from children to adults in mostly public places. They can be store clerks, civil servants, customers, or students, party goers, fans at any venue and they will go out of the way to ensure that you do not have a pleasant experience. They are rarely ever alone. They are usually in small groups (power in numbers). When they are alone they do not exhibit a superior persona.

There is one significant problem the organization may or may not intend. If you mistreat anything it will eventually lash out against those they perceive to be involved in the transgressions against it. I have been able to control myself and have found other means of fighting back (I cannot assume that there have been other people that have had similar experiences of being invited into the organization, as I was, and then later refusing to be part of it.). The urge to fight grows greater when flight is perceived as useless. But, I cannot say that for all those that are subjected to these kind of transgressions. Columbine shooters targeted specific individuals that they perceived to act in a superior manner. Mass shootings in the workplace usually target specific people that the shooter had a relationship with. I have encountered people in my past jobs that I (now) perceive(d) to be part of the organization. They are generally covert in their behavior, but overt when the circumstances permit to let you know who they are. Couple this with the above mentioned tactics and the targeted individual may feel that there is only one solution to their plight. These tactics create a psychologically wounded person with absolutely nothing to lose. If this is the intention of the organization then there may be more Stephen Paddocks being created.

Stephen Paddock lashed out. He perpetrated a premeditated attack upon a venue he frequented for entertainment and as a professional high stakes gambler. Although he did not target specific individuals he targeted the venue that most likely contained a high concentration of those he felt were responsible for the attacks he endured as a target of the organization. Stephen Paddock sought to kill as many people as possible while exhibiting complete disregard for anyone that was not part of the organization because he probably began to view everyone as part of the organization. In my past experiences it was often to difficult to discern those that were part of the organization and the general public, now I do not give any of them my attention – friend or foe.

As mass shootings become more and more common are they a product of some kind of organized effort to take control? If you have read most of my posts on this blog you know that I believe that this reality is but a shared dream within the construct of consciousness and the infinite levels therein. Regardless of what I believe or anyone else may believe there is still the notion of something inherently evil brewing underneath that is beginning rise to the surface. That which is hiding in the darkness is being forced into the light. I am beginning to believe that targeted individuals are being targeted because they exhibit certain conscious characteristics that can expose a vastly different reality than what is currently perceived. If Stephen Paddock was a targeted individual his actions have placed light upon a looming possibility of a shattering revelation of consciousness, one of devastating doom or a liberating awakening. I choose the latter. I do not condone his actions, but they are now part of the narrative that is influencing this current existence.

I am a witness of consciousness and because I am part of this level of consciousness I influence the whole of consciousness. My experiences, as well as those other targeted individuals that have survived, shine light upon that which hides in the shadows of this reality. I have cast aside my anger and aggression for those that have taken from me that which I coveted the most, my sense of membership with humanity, but revealed to me my eternal bond with the whole of consciousness. I will not harm another for that would only cause me to become an unassociated member of an organization that does so much harm. I only bear witness and wait for that which is a constant within my conscience; that which you do to others with intent to harm will be done unto you…

May the consequences of their actions be grave, may the consequences of their actions be immediate, may the consequences of their actions be long lasting and may the consequences of their actions infect that which they hold dear. And in the end may we all bear witness to those who’s role was to attempt to obscure the natural nature of this conscious reality within the infinite possibilities of a truly liberating existence of perpetual conscious expansion. – Xam 2017

So shall it be written…

Simple Minds


It has been a while since my last post. I stopped posting regularly because I did not have much to say. The trials and tribulations of being a targeted (gang stalked) individual does not have much variation. The song remains the same today and with my latest assessment of my past and current life, not much has changed. But, there is one thing that has changed and that is my sense of self. But, most important is the manner in which I view my-self within the realms of consciousness.

After five plus years of radiation and intimidation I have gotten used to it, to the point of it being normal. I am not afraid of the rather benign tactics of intimidation. I have found ways to reduce and even eliminate the radiation. Even the attacks on my biological energy centers are limited to the point of being a minor annoyance. 

I have learned the why of my importance in this strange reality. Why so much attention is being wasted on my simple life. Why so many people are being compensated to surveil my daily activity. It is their simple inability to control my actions and thoughts. I started to put it altogether recently. And the one night I thought to be chivalrous and defend a girlfriend’s honor (now a very long time ago) was the key that lead me to my current theory. On that night I challenged a guy that touched my girlfriend inappropriately in a local bar. They guy was no match for me, but when I confronted him he punched me in the face. I pounced, then the bouncers grabbed me and we were both thrown out of the bar. I went after him outside the bar and for some reason I was unable to harm him in any significant way. It was as if I was being inhibited. I could not land a punch. All I could do was to grab him, but I could not inflict any harm even though I was completely sober. My ridiculous attempt to pound him into the sidewalk was broken up by two police officers and we went our separate ways. That night has puzzled me for a very long time. At that time in my life I was being controlled in someway. Since my journey through the void I have become aware of the control they had on me and with that awareness came resistance. With my more recent experiences, that I will describe in later posts, have allowed me to begin to formulate my current premise.

I have grown from my Protestant beginnings through eastern philosophies then settling on something that borders on agnostic atheism. I have tried almost every New Age trick and gizmo to get to attain and sustain some level of ascension or enlightenment. I now am entering a phase that I currently do not have a simple definition for. The only way I can describe it is by using the term simulation. Eastern philosophies have always regarded our conscious reality as a dream and since ancient texts were not familiar with the term simulation, a “dream world” fits the definition of a simulation. I have to admit that after viewing ‘The Matrix’ back in the late 90’s there was something compelling me to pay attention to the simulated environment represented in the film. The key here is the simulated reality, not necessarily what we typically refer to as a computer simulation. It might be more along the lines of ‘Simulacra & Simulations’ a 1981 philosophical treatise by Jean Baudrillard, possibly a simulation without a substrate or definable construct.

I have experienced things I cannot explain and I had believed that I was certifiably delusional (that door is still open). But, I can function normally and go about my, so called, life reasonably well considering these extraordinary experiences. I have had experiences in my dreams that were concluded in my conscious reality while I was awake. My conscious reality and my dreams were dependent upon one another and all I was able to do was to watch it unfold before me. I have moved between levels of consciousness so often that I have become familiar with certain levels as well as the people and their characteristic behavior for that level. Mastering these changes in levels is tricky and their are issues concerning the appropriate time. Life energy (chi, prana, etc.) is crucial to levels of consciousness and those that use microwave radiation as a weapon use it to control access to levels of consciousness.

I have increased the strength of the energy that the original device was able to achieve. I have used this energy to sustain and maintain a level of consciousness within this simulation. I am still within an experimental stage using the devices and understand that the energy that emanates from the devices may be contributing to the experiences I mention above. My new course concerning this blog is to write about consciousness as a simulation. I will attempt to define this conscious simulation and how it might be possible to understand the simulated environment we call consciousness. I will also like to write about my experiences with certain people or beings that seem to be aware of the simulated environment as well as their possible roles in the maintenance of the the simulation for their benefit.

I hope that those of you reading this blog will comment and contribute so we can all explore this simulated conscious environment we call reality.

I’m Back

Hawaiian graffiti
I had a dream about turtles so this image seemed appropriate

 The Prevention of Ascension –

I cannot believe that it has been a few days over a year since my last post, “what a strange trip its been”. I needed the time to myself to sort things out and reflect on the path my life has taken.

I am a reddit member now and go by the flair of c-no-evil. I am subscribed to the psychonaut subreddit, as well as many others, so you can follow my online activity from there.

I am starting to find others out there that have experienced similar acts of harm and intimidation. It is gratifying to know that I am not the only one suffering the scourge of those that are preventing postponing the expansion of human consciousness.

I spent some time today reading my main site’s past entries and I have to say that I was a mess, but the good news is that I am less of a mess today than when this all began.

What has changed? Clarity of purpose, deeper connection to consciousness, purged my life of fear, and a knowing that karma is actively correcting the imbalance of this shared reality (those within the higher levels of consciousness are aware of what is happening here).

I have tried, for a year, to apply the laws of attraction to my situation, but the specter of those I call the Nameless could not be removed. Most recently they attempted to cause me physical harm while I was driving. I had a car accident. A truck pulled out in front of me from a parking lot and I hit it broadside. The damage to my vehicle was extensive, but I walked away without a scratch, but a little shaken. Most say I was very lucky, but I know differently. This was not the first time something similar happened, many years ago I experienced a close call. I cannot be certain if I am consciously, or subconsciously, able to effect my reality in such a powerful and positive manner or there are other benevolent forces at work protecting me from harm (this seems more relevant given my experiences from the past couple of years). Conversely, I may have exited that level of consciousness (died in the wreckage) and continued onto another, anything within the realm of consciousness is possible.

I cannot say that I will post everyday, but at least once a week. Until then, keep the love and light of consciousness well above the darkness of fear. Our conscious revolution (correction) is well underway.