Journal: What Am I Doing?

The best way to describe my current experience does not exist at this time. I cannot express myself in a manner that could convey my emotional state. I have attained a level of surrender that had escaped my evolving frame of reference.

I have been at this for so long that there are new normals every lunar cycle. My intuition once suggested that I should go about this narrative as if it were a game. I guess that I must be entering a whole new game level now.

If you ever played a video game you start to learn when to turn. You learn how to survive then you learn how to win (level up), but to do this you have to play. What happens if I do the least, observe and wait to see where this is going. This shared reality is an illusion where thoughts and actions are necessary to engage the false narrative. I see an opening, but it is difficult setting yourself adrift within the flow of consciousness when old habits interfere with the flow.

Consciousness requires us to be conscious. Meditation requires attentive inaction. Can there be attentive conscious inaction? To be or not to be…

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