Journal: The Water Within

I once stated that water is the substrate of consciousness. It is in all things on this physical plane. There is more of it than anything else. It consists of two very powerful elements, one of which can power a star.

While meditating I began to see the sand and shore of a beach I once visited. I could see the water in front of me and I opened my palms to face the water and I could feel an energetic rise in my relaxed state of mind as the water of consciousness began to expand through me. It had been a while since I was able to go to the beach, but then a thought entered my mind reminding me that I did not have to travel to the beach in order to receive what the oceans have to offer me. The water of the oceans flows within me wherever I am, and within it there is the whole of consciousness flowing to me.

Today is a day to which I can mark a point of departure and change. I have seen it coming for a few cycles and now it has arrived.  The day before I left Hawaii, I stood on the shore and already missed being able to go to the beach every day. Even though Hawaii had been a place of my own personal hell, it was also a point of departure and change. These milestones are infinite, even though I am unable to recall the many that have come before, but they are all still special nonetheless. And now, it seems, I am ready to create some more.

Thank you, Rose…

Journal: Detachment

I am a traveler. This is the best explanation for what I perceive to be happening. My unconscious travels are often difficult to remember, but they are responsible for how my conscious reality currently manifests itself. The best way to describe this is to use the word residue. I carry residual memories or cognitive resonance with me no matter what my current state of mind experiences (conscious or unconscious). This did not exist prior to my use of psychedelic substances.

Throughout my life I learned to attach my identity to my conscious experiences. I identified with my inherited and evolving frame of reference, but it was typical in relation to my limited perceptions. After the use of psychedelic substances I began to question my reality and (slowly) loosen my attachment to that which was the foundation of my identity.

Where I once was tethered to a particular realm, I have become detached to wander into new and often foreign realms within the unconscious. The residual effects of this new freedom manifests itself in the whole of my consciousness. I can see it in both my dreams and my waking conscious reality. I dream when I am awake and I dream when I am asleep and those dreams are becoming very similar. I have a distinct feeling that they will become the same over time, possibly a combination of the two or a completely new realm of existence.

Journal: Chain Reaction

Moon waxing crescent 3.6 days, Pisces – Water. Time 21:45, planet hours: Luna.

“The Principle of Cause & Effect: Every cause has its effect; Every effect has its cause; Everything happens according to law’ Chance is but a name for law not recognized’ There are many planes of causation, but nothing escapes the law.”

It is important to understand that once you choose a path to accomplish something, and once you set upon that path, that choice sets in motion a wave through consciousness. I can see the changes in my conscious reality. I can see the beginnings of these changes and how they are evolving, for me.

I set upon a path to master consciousness and now I see that the wave I summoned has grown in size. I feel it has a mind of its own. I cannot determine the direction it has taken me, but it appears to be speeding up.

I remembered that I had forgotten that I cannot go back. There is no normal to go back to because normal does not exist as I once knew it.  I see that I am caught in a chain of events that have been set in motion by my actions. I am reminded of the time when I focused on nothing and desired nothing, and I saw my conscious reality grind to a halt. Up until now I have gone about this existence haphazardly, it might be better to take a more measured  and deliberate approach.

Journal: Perfection

Moon waning crescent 25.4 days, Libra – Air. Time 00:03, planet hours: Saturn.

My belief that everything has meaning, and all things are the way the should be continues to grow in strength. Faith is a word that has been echoing throughout my intuition. Whenever I feel impatient, chaotic and confused I am reminded to have faith. Nothing is wasted, all actions have purpose regardless of our judgement. Abraham is correct, faith occurs when you accept the law of attraction within the whole of consciousness. That which is delegated to consciousness will become…

There is only the order of consciousness, chaos only exists for those that are unable to understand this. Within this artificial system of existence there are increasing levels of complexity, but at the root is the ever expanding foundation of consciousness. The whole of consciousness is the substrate to which we are anchored, there is no other way. Consciousness is pervasive. Consciousness is consistent. Consciousness is perfection.

What Next?

I was helping a family member with some therapy exercises. The tasks were difficult and caused a bit of frustration, laden with anxiety, when they performed them. We persisted and slowed the pace to try to alleviate the difficulties. When we completed the exercises I retreated to my room and felt frustrated and anxious also. I had a distinct tightening in my throat. The next day we began the therapeutic exercises again. As the family member began to encounter the same difficulties as before, I noticed the same symptoms welling up within me again even though there was no reason for me to feel that way. It occurred to me that I might be experiencing sympathetic resonance. If we use the example of a musical instrument such as a guitar, sympathetic resonance occurs when a string is plucked and the neighboring strings begin to vibrate with a harmonic likeness. After a little shallow research on the internet I was lead to sites and articles about Empaths. After some further reading it occurred to me that I may be a Empath or possibly an Empathic Psychic. Discovering this was a very significant emotional event. It felt as if every single memory of significant moments in my life spilled out before my mind’s eye forced into view by a wave of emotions. Clarity washed over me, but also an unsettling question emerged from my gut, “what next?”. That thought began repeating for some time and I even started to say it out loud.

As a child I had vivid conscious dreams accompanied by physical sensations from worlds I had never before seen. It was difficult experiencing and sensing a vivid dream overlayed upon this conscious reality (I still get glimpses of this phenomenon). I wrestled with emotions that I now know were not my own, and not understanding that this was not normal, I was not normal. I started from wide social acceptance during adolescence and then later to a social outcast fueled by abilities I did not know I had. I sought the comfort of self medication which later lead to better understanding of my own physiology and psychology through experimentation. And then, rebooting my conscious mind with psychedelics and seemingly awakening to a level of consciousness filled with people and beings that are bent upon suppressing my conscious expansion. My higher unconscious self has been revealed to be a patient, yet unrelenting Taskmaster, or a tenacious Zen monk constantly cracking me on my shoulder with his shinai, never allowing me to fully drift into complacency. Now it seems I may have always been an Empath, but ignoring those abilities just so I could be normal.

It explains my past and current experiences. It explains my choppy social interactions and why I seek out solitude over fellowship. It explains why I can no longer watch certain types of films, online videos or television programs without experiencing intense emotions of what I see. It answers the question of how I am able to sense coming events. It explains why I have difficulty with one-on-one conversations with strangers, most of them leaving me feeling overtly self-conscious. It explains why I sometimes get confused during conversations as if I am hearing to two radio stations at the same time. It explains why I felt every possible emotion during my psychedelic quest through the void, now understanding they weren’t my own. It explains the many times I sensed people (mainly women of middle age) observing me or attempting to gain my attention and then find them looking at me, knowingly, in a way that seems to indicate we might be the same. It explains why I am under constant surveillance, as if to keep me from being contacted by those observers or others like myself. It explains those conversations with thought forms from destinations unknown I experienced in Hawaii. Why some people I meet take a step back when I shake their hand as if they were caught off guard by an emotion from an external source (this happened, again, when I recently encountered a person with similar abilities through Craigslist, post Combo-Shift – one of ‘the others’). It explains why some people (mostly younger people under 20) stare at me as if I was some new kind of life form. I am amazed that I survived this long not understanding what was happening, what I have become, or possibly what I have always been. Still, I ask “what next?”.

Lately I have been apprehensive to go out into the world. I seem to be bouncing from one level of consciousness to the next on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. It is a lot like going outside not knowing what the weather is going to be like. But, I still venture out eager to see what level I seem to be on. Since I posted “Significance” I feel as if my third eye (cliché) has opened yet squinting to filter all that it is now able to see. As I write this post I remember asking for this. Asking to restore my abilities that I thought were taken from me. So, what next?

Those unseen entities are working overtime. That ever-present feeling of fear pecking at the confines of my inner consciousness. I smell their fear. I sense their desperation. I see weakness. Existing on the leading edge of the expansion of consciousness is such a trying, yet beautiful thing. Every moment I am on the threshold of something that has yet to be, and I can influence its manifestation. So to answer the question of “what next?”. The answer may very well be just about “anything I fucking want”, it seems. They may be able to slow me down, but I am now motivated by something deep within. It animates my physical form. It drags me out of bed before sunrise and now shows me what I need to see. My higher unconscious self is rising from within and I am no longer reluctant to let it be. Satori?

Thank you…

Journal: Significance

Moon waxing gibbous 13.1 days, Aquarius – Air. Time 14:18, planet hours: Venus.

I have to mark this moment as one of particular significance. I will elaborate on it at a later time, when I have taken enough time to understand what has just been revealed to me.

Epiphanic to say the least…