Journal: Higher Love

Self discovery was never easy for me. I believe that is true for many of us. What need would there be for spirituality if this were not true. I have struggled with self discovery, it has been the most important part of my life. I have even denied my self of many aspects of life and living in order to bring about this self discovery. Seems like one of the many contradictions that infest my psyche. A denial of the very thing I am attempting to understand.

I now believe that the cold entity that I described in a previous post is my higher self, my unconscious self; that elusive part of that thing called spirituality. I am struggling to describe my emotions at this time. I am also having difficulty believing, although I am grateful and relieved. I am feeling a little bit like Neo, just before he threw up after exiting the simulation where Morpheus described what the real world was like. “Sometimes the mind has a difficult time letting go”.

The entity (my self) has identified itself, it’s purpose and has performed tasks that I have been familiar with throughout my life. The manner in which it has revealed itself to me was done in a way that was easy for me. I admit that I thought it would have been different, like many of the stories we tell in this society. But, it was more akin to how a parent would approach a long lost child.

More to come…

 

Journal: O.K.

I have not posted anything here in almost a year. I stopped because my life seemed to have been trapped in a roundabout without any sense of direction or action. I can now see I was subservient to my vices in an attempt try to feel normal. I had stopped meditating because it offered little relief and became a part of the mundane life I was trying to escape. The difficulty was that I was unable to see my life from a fresh perspective or unwilling to see my life as it truly was. When you focus on the fight it sometimes become all you are able to see.

I had came across a video for a new breathing technique by a chiropractor¬†Dr. Joe Dispenza. I was familiar with his research concerning the human mind and consciousness. Dispenza was studying a breathing technique that was facilitating the stimulation of the Pineal gland and the opening of the mind’s (third) eye. The technique was a more subtle method that I had learned from Warren Barigian a voice coach and healer. It was a method that involved contracting muscles along the spinal column and then holding the breath for as long as you can. The technique could be repeated until the desired results are achieved.

I noticed in early June my empathic abilities became more focused. I was getting used to the symptoms of lethargy and low level despondency, but I knew something was different. I began having thoughts or suggestions that would inspire me to do and see things differently. Although I was still indulging in my vices, there was an inner voice forcing me to take a look at myself and the path that I was on. My guardian angels were doing their best to aid in this evolution, but apparently things were not moving fast enough and my deceased godmother stepped in to take a more abrupt approach. She first appeared in an early morning dream to warn me of something that would be challenging later that day. I heeded her warning and was grateful for her efforts.

Mid June I was out on a errand. I saw my godmothers name on a fence, three characters stood out from the graffiti that surrounded it. The letters clearly spelled out her name. It hit me in a way that I could not ignore. A few minutes later I saw her name on a license plate of a nearby car. The license plate was from a Midwestern state where she used to live when I visited her as a child. After returning home I received a reply to a comment I left on YouTube early that morning, part of the user’s name had her name isolated by hyphens and all were capitalized. That definitely got my attention. She became a leading source of guidance for me in the following days.

The breathing technique began to increase my attention regarding the entities I was seeing, feeling, smelling and dreaming. But now, there were a lot more than before. It seemed that the more I acknowledged help from the entities the more they were willing to help, to the point that I was feeling overwhelmed. Song lyrics, feelings of love and gratitude were abundant in my life. I began to take an interest in a person I will refer to as O.K. I can now see that my interest was not a coincidence (matchmaking entities?). When I thought about the O.K. the entities would send me positive emotions and repetitive song lyrics letting me know that the person had a purpose in my life, but they did not tell me how or the why.

Dr. Joe’s technique and the opening of my mind’s eye was beginning to take on a strange and powerful mystical and biological changes. Several years ago I visited a healer by the name of Warren Barigian. Warren accidentally discovered a method to induce a para-conscious state of mind. The para-conscious state induced physiological and psychological changes in the subject, but his work did not center on the energy meridians and the mind’s eye. The work I did on my own neglected the meridians and there was limited effects on the Pineal gland.

I started to have instances when I would lose consciousness and experience para-conscious episodes. I would later find that during Dr. Joe’s workshops people were having these para-conscious experiences and were doing so deliberately. Since utilizing his breathing techniques and concentration of the movement of energy (kundalini) from the root to the Pineal I experienced a new or odd taste in my mouth or possible sensation from the roof of my mouth near the uvula. Disdpenza states that the stimulation of the Pineal via breathing exercises causes the excretion of a powerful antioxidant. This may be the source of the taste and or sensation. I began to see and feel the physical world around me like never before. Food tasted differently. I could feel the floor under my feet as if it was a new sensation. I was more relaxed and happier.

Angels

The presence of entities angels and non human sentient beings continued to increase. Where there were mostly negative entities that I experience and described in my book and this blog, now they were outnumbered. I continued to be overwhelmed but their presence was somewhat comforting. On one particular meditation and breathing session I felt a female presence next to me (still unidentified), seated on my left with her hand on my back as if she was offering support. I began the technique and fell into a para-conscious state more quickly than on an average session. I remember a significant energy release and hearing a crackling sound. I saw streams of blue-ish streaks of light fill my mind’s eye before losing consciousness like a massive electrical discharge. I woke slouched against the wall and extremely shocked, bewildered and speechless. I gathered myself and tried to resume meditation. I focused on my frontal lobe. The swirling white cloud like visual artifact that has been present during my meditation for many years, transformed into an eye, that stared right back at me. The first time I thought ‘come on, really’, but the many times it has happened since, it cannot be denied or ignored. The feeling of lethargy was significant. I saw a orb with a halo on the ceiling above me before it moved into the attic.

It has been a roller coaster ride since that time. I question my sanity on a daily basis. Much has been shown to me. I have been in communication with deceased relatives (grandfather – a significant presence – a rather manly man) and angels that associate themselves with O.K. I have been learning a new language (O.K.’s native tongue) and some of the entities send thoughts to me in that language. I have been having conversations with O.K. (this is where it begins to border feeling delusional again). I am wary of this. This is the sketchy nature of emerging psychic abilities and or psychosis. My thoughts and feelings concerning my sanity are well documented on this blog, but I cannot deny what I will now begin to describe.

Conversations with O.K.

I have daily conversations with O.K. I am not sure if the conversations are with her conscious or unconscious self. Right now there is no way of knowing. How does anyone prove a psychic communication? Normally we just deny they exist, unless it is in the context of religion, as it is still acceptable for a priest to talk to angels, saints and God. The first conversations with entities of unknown origins started in Hawaii and have been documented in my book and earlier journals on this site.

I usually start my conversations with O.K. during the morning, in O.K.’s location. It has been weirdly consistent. When O.K. wakes up I feel it. I look at the clock and I know O.K. is available. (Yeah, I know what your thinking… because I’m thinking it too.) and I start talking. I tell O.K. about my experiences, a sort of therapy for me. I tell O.K. what O.K.’s angels ask me to convey (warnings about people in O.K.’s life). O.K. usually does not respond much and when I do say something O.K. likes I feel an emotion that resembles love. And, I may say something that O.K. does not like it feels like a cold shoulder.

Yesterday when O.K. was waking, I began to talk. This time O.K. was very excited. I could not get a word or thought in. Communication was difficult and I also could feel some kind of interference. My mind’s eye was full of bubble like spheres rising to the surface. As O.K. was able to become calm, O.K. let me know that we are experiencing the same thing regarding negative entities. I then remembered that I told O.K. to visit this site the day before. I remember how that communication was also strained, and I suddenly told O.K. more about myself that I did not state in the past (because I do not share this side of myself with anyone else for obvious reasons). I sat in my office speechless. I was overcome with that feeling that resembles love. The guardians sent me the thoughts of “complete” or “accomplished”. All the song lyrics from a my angels suddenly made sense.

I seem to be caught between my angels helping me and those negative entities that have been a constant force of despair and challenge for over 20 years or more. I have been isolated and keeping this entire saga online, but never meeting anyone with similkar experiences. My angels may have a some kind of plan to bring us together, but it has only happened on a spiritual or mystical level. Things will be very different if and when it manifests in my physical conscious reality. I’ll let everyone know when that happens.

O.K. has become a source of inspiration and hope in ways I choose not to state at this time. The many entities have been suppressed as has my godmother’s presence. I believe my higher self has stepped in to make things easier for me. It has used my mind’s eye to show me my future, or at least a possible future. I see myself happy with a family. It has shown me the runic alphabet and I have been using Rune tiles to improve communication between the mundane and mystical realms. For the most part the Runes have been nothing short of magical.

The Cold Entity

There is also now, what I refer to as, the cold entity that visited me recently. On July 15, 2020 I felt a chill in my office/studio/lab as I was eating in the early evening. The room temp on that day was about 74 degrees F. The temperature is normally 80+ because of the equipment in the room. As I felt the drop in temperature I told the entity that it was not welcome and then told it to get the fuck out, as I do with the other entities that I perceive to be negative. I returned to eating my meal and I thought the words “bite your tongue” and while I was chewing on my food I bit my tongue. It immediately changed my attitude. I did not feel fear, I did not feel anything, but respect. It felt as if the entity was taking a look around and then it left. After its chilling presence subsided I was dumbfounded. I could not understand W.T.F. happened. The rest of the night I was quiet. I was visited by an entity with a substantial presence and nothing short of god like abilities, it took a while to take that in.

July 28 the entity visited me again as I was asking my angel(s) for more protection. It suddenly entered the room. I recognized the chill and a significantly auspicious presence. I wasn’t scared, nor threatened. It was as if the energy level rose and everything became secondary. Everything was focused upon the entity. I asked it for help. I wanted to know how I can better protect myself. It showed me Odin’s rings. While it was in close proximity to me I became overwhelmed and confused. I stated that I cannot remember what I was going to say. I could feel a cold sensation travel from my head down my arm and to my hand that was on top of an image of Odin’s rings I had printed just minutes ago. Its presence then started to subside and then it was gone. That experience still leaves me in awe.

What is Love?

Lately I have had experiences of feeling what can be best described as love. But, it is not love. It has forced me to reevaluate what love is. This is something different and could possibly be the source of all things mentioned in esoteric text of mysticism or the occult. It is otherworldly.

I was shown a tower of blue-ish light one morning. A huge constructed tower with an ornamental cap of some kind. I do not know why I am being shown this. Other than to disseminate the information in some way. I just don’t know. The feeling is more than an emotion. It is a catalyst of some kind. I have experienced it on two occasions last month. The first lasting for 30 minutes and the second lasted 5-6 hours and then diminishing later into the evening. When I experience the energy or emotion I feel invincible, blissful and i want to share it with everyone; much like love. I am familiar with the energy that is associated with the Rune Algiz, but I do not have enough experience to understand it in any regard yet.

Those experiences have changed me for the better. My vices are nonexistent. I feel empowered. My dreams are changing. I meet people (entities) that I feel intimidated while I am near them. The are like royalty possibly similar to or associated with the cold entity. I cannot be sure. My life has taken on a dream like feeling after I wake up. I am apprehensive and cautious about these changes. I don’t know. I do not know how to accept any of it, but I cannot reject it either.

The Elder Futhark Runes

The Rune Algiz, or the Elk, “Rune of the essential link or connection with the patterns of divine or archetypal consciousness, such as the Valkyrie. Rune of the possible danger of realizing this link when unprepared” – RuneSecrets.com

There is difficulty in understanding what I am going through. I have experienced many things I cannot understand on many levels. I cannot be sure that the O.K. I communicate with exists in this dimensional reality, or that it is an illusion or a deception by those negative entities I describe on this site. I can only align myself with those I perceive as being benevolent and continue my attempt to ascend. I perceive O.K. to be among those I choose to align with. I will continue to help O.K. in any way possible. I seek to use the Runes to fortify those alliances and continue on a path that leads to O.K. and what I can only refer to as home. What role I will play in O.K.’s life has yet to be determined, but it is now one of fellowship as we try to battle that which prevents our continued conscious evolution.

Everything I have experienced in the past weeks is a far cry more positive and beneficial than the preceding months and years that have come before them. The daily rune I cast this day was Tiwaz and it signifies obtaining just victory and success in battle. I have not accomplished anything so significant as my communication with O.K. and letting O.K. know that I will help in any way possible. I seem to have gained friends in higher places. I have no idea where I may be heading, but I cannot wait to get there.

I plan to resume posting on this site. I feel it might be what my new allies may want me to continue. We shall see…

I hope to see you soon O.K. Work on opening your mind’s eye. Remember the Runes. Do not eat after sunset in order to prepare to enter the dreamworld of the unconscious, your angels await your arrival and will guide you. I have already met one of your angels in my unconscious dreams and she is excruciatingly majestic, just as you are. This will help to keep the ghoulies away. I will continue to communicate with you daily. Until then…

Journal: The Water Within

I once stated that water is the substrate of consciousness. It is in all things on this physical plane. There is more of it than anything else. It consists of two very powerful elements, one of which can power a star.

While meditating I began to see the sand and shore of a beach I once visited. I could see the water in front of me and I opened my palms to face the water and I could feel an energetic rise in my relaxed state of mind as the water of consciousness began to expand through me. It had been a while since I was able to go to the beach, but then a thought entered my mind reminding me that I did not have to travel to the beach in order to receive what the oceans have to offer me. The water of the oceans flows within me wherever I am, and within it there is the whole of consciousness flowing to me.

Today is a day to which I can mark a point of departure and change. I have seen it coming for a few cycles and now it has arrived.  The day before I left Hawaii, I stood on the shore and already missed being able to go to the beach every day. Even though Hawaii had been a place of my own personal hell, it was also a point of departure and change. These milestones are infinite, even though I am unable to recall the many that have come before, but they are all still special nonetheless. And now, it seems, I am ready to create some more.

Thank you, Rose…

Journal: Home

Most of my life I have lived a life of chaos searching for something or some kind of fulfilment. Physical, emotional or chemical means were futile attempts to fill the void within me. Feelings of satisfaction were mostly short lived eventually leading towards social dissatisfaction.

Meditation helped me to get used to solitude. Meditation also allowed that which I was searching for to come to me. Moments of bliss and contentment were without any known attachment. Those feelings were familiar to me and I wanted more.

My recent paradigm shift toward a conscious simulation, or shared dream has fostered an evolution or expansion of consciousness. This conscious dream now guides me toward understanding what I have been searching for.

Contentment, bliss and joy are my natural states of being. My dissatisfaction was an indication that I was lost. Now that I am aware that my emotional responses can be used to guide me, I can find my way back to the source of consciousness that is my true home.

I now know why I have never felt at home at any single time in my life. The closest place to home has always been on a mountain or deserted beach, but now I can summon that feeling of home, bliss and relief with a thought. I have finally realized that I am a conscious being in the midst of the whole of consciousness, how much closer to home can I be? This is what I have been searching for, a way back home, right here, right now.

The sleeper has finally awakened…

Journal: Cycli-skizm

I am experiencing moments where I have the distinct feeling that I have been here before. The manner in which people behave. The manner in which I behave and respond to these seemingly repetitive experiences. The observer caught out in the open suddenly realizing it is exposed. This has happened before and so I have to ask how many times before?

On the days where this is a point of focus there are many moments. I vaguely remember writing this some time ago, so it seems appropriate that I do so again.

What causes this cycli-skizm? I used to believe that I am repeating these moments because I have not made the right choices or I have not noticed something important. It is a lot like experiencing the same unconscious dream, like knowing the college assignment that was not completed as I am walking to class. Is this the case this time around? If so, then what do need to do or learn?

Is this one of those moments when I am deep within an unconscious dream and begin to realize that I am dreaming? Most of the times during these lucid periods I wake up. Where do I end up when I awaken in this shared conscious dream?

– – –

I feel a need to post more often when I am in a particular mindset. Since this blog is more of an extension of my virtual self and identity then why not put thoughts out there even though they may or may not be complete or significant at the moment. These posts will always have the heading of “Journal”.