Journal: Spiral

Moon waning gibbous 19.4  days, Aries – Fire. Time 19:40, planet hours: Mars.

I have been under attack for the past couple of days. I saw it coming. It is a lot like knowing that a storm is coming and that you prepare for it and ride it out. I do have some means of mediating relief of the attack, but it just hovers over you like a dark cloud. These events present an opportunity to test your resolve and endurance. Focus your attention back at it and see what you can find (twins).

I can remember when I was not aware of the source. It had a profound affect on my state of mind. That overbearing hopelessness and self-doubt can incapacitate you, like an anxiety attack that lasts for days. I feel for those that must endure these attacks without knowledge of its source. It is easy to succumb to that downward spiral when you are unable to see it any other way.

I will say again that I am supremely fascinated by it. Just knowing that some entity has a means to induce this feeling in another has captivated my attention on a completely different level this time. A parasite of consciousness of the lowest level consumed by its own negativity. I have to admit, it’s a pretty good trick.

I am split by the negative emotions while my unconscious quietly takes on the part of the observer. That unconscious component keeps me tethered and patient until it passes. I kind of get used to it, but when I do, it subsides. I surmise that parasites give up when you allow yourself to ignore them. I recite the “litany against fear” (Frank Herbert’s Dune) and chuckle when done.

litany

What brought this on? I am fighting back in more ways than before. It feels right to do more, now…

Thank you.

Journal: Astral Plane

When I was a young child, under the age of 10, I would have what I thought were dreams. I would force myself to wake up, but the dream would continue. I would go to my mother’s bedside and try to explain what was happening, but like most parents she did not understand. I would sit at her bedside until the dream ended, one foot in this reality and the other in another. I have mentioned this phenomena in past posts and in my book. I did not know what was happening until recently discovering that I was visiting or viewing the Astral Plane.

The waking dreams have subsided and I have not had a fully immersive experience since childhood. I have had similar experiences while I sleep, but they end abruptly when I realize that I am dreaming and wake up. I feel the physical sensations wear off slowly as I regain consciousness. During meditation and before sleep I am able to feel the waking dream begin, but I am unable to sustain the connection and the experience fades. I now think that there might be some interference, prickling sensations from an unknown source.

The waking dreams were fully immersive. I could feel myself getting bigger, expanding in size and being able to see farther into the distance. Large transparent beings and possibly animals are walking around me. I could hear and sense everything around me, the experience was overwhelming. I was able to perceive both realities of this conscious experience and, what I now know to be, the astral plane. Physical and auditory sensations that were very much like my psychedelic hallucinations later in my life.

I have recently discovered that I am not normal, average or run of the mill. I can close my eyes and see an, aurora like, energy field moving in front of my eyes. I am having waking dreams, more commonly called astral sight with greater frequency. This sight occurs during meditation and mostly when I am between conscious and unconscious states. It seems as though this astral state washes over me and I can view a monochrome environment somewhat shadowy, but also defined, sometimes appearing like a photographic negative. My intuition is persistent and reliable. While under attack in Honolulu I was having mental (thought) conversations with other entities that I now understand to exist on the astral plane (it would have been nice to know this back then) – [Note: During the initial conversation she stated that they had a lot to lose, a lot of work would be lost if I proceeded]. Some of these experiences I thought were normal, while the other more extreme experiences I thought were my gradual descent into insanity.

I am posting this now because of a recent astral event I had after posting Psychic Attack? Several minutes after the post the astral event washed over me and I closed my eyes and began the dreamlike experience. I saw a man in what looked like khaki shirt and pants. I could not make out his face, but I did see him gesture at me. He was shaking his finger at me as if saying no, or don’t do that. I snapped out of it. I was a bit shaken because it was the first time (that I can remember) a character in the vision did something like this. I have had others dream states where I heard someone say my name to wake me up, but nothing like this has happened before.

I remain defiant. I have a finger I’d like to shake at him and it’s not the index finger. So, now I have reached a point where my antagonists are appearing to me and warning me. For the past seven to ten years, possibly more. I have had to endure their interference and meddling in my life. I have seen them watching me from a distance in my conscious and unconscious experiences. I cannot remember their attempt to contact me and explain to me what I was experiencing. Now I have evolved to a point where they are forced into more drastic measures to deter my progress. I feel that it is far too late for that.

With all of these new experiences from my antagonists and my allies, I am able to tell the difference between the two. My allies always protect me and offer guidance in persistent subtle ways. My antagonists know ony one way, it is the posture of a bully, one of perceived superiority, of arrogance, of petty character and one of fear.

A message to those that stand in my way.

“Try looking into that place where you dare not look! You’ll find me there, staring out at you!” – Frank Herbert, Dune.

Or, use your abilities to see into the future, you know there is no stopping me. I have come too far to turn back now, I could not stop even if I tried (and you know I have tried). The expansion of my conscious and unconscious self is not something I have control over now. Unlike those dreams I had when I was a child, this experience is building in depth and breadth with no apparent end in sight, coming together into one. I have cast aside my oars and have settled into floating downstream. You had your chance to offer assistance (guidance), but you chose to use the axe. You have taken from me all that I have ever held dear. I literally have nothing to lose. One of your minions recently said to me that “there are rules”. There are only a few rules that I live by. One significant rule is to do no harm. I suggest you abide by that rule, because karma can be a bitch when empowered by the focus of my evolving will. You should be familiar with the axioms of this realm: cause and effect, rhythm of the pendulum, etc… You will be consumed by your own deeds. Let me go my own way.

Ready or not…

P.S. I am grateful for your part in manifesting my evolution. You and your kind have been a catalyst for my transformation. I could not have done it without you. Now that I understand that this is where I have always wanted to be, I can’t possibly explain the scope of my desires now. The possibilities are truly without measure. Can you feel it? That pressure building? You know you can no longer contain it. At this point in time you must begin to understand that you have already failed.

More Fear

The long dark emptiness of the void
LITANY AGAINST FEAR

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

The “Litany Against Fear” is from the novel by Frank Herbert’s Dune series. Still one of the most important works of science fiction to date.

On the morning of my journey through the void, my very own spiritual resurrection. The fear was so overwhelming it occupied all of my senses. I was consumed by it. I ran from that fear. The violence that I thought I had perpetrated made me want to run. Hundreds and thousands of beings chasing me. Sirens were blaring as I ran fighting through a level of confusion I had never ever faced in my life (I cannot remember correctly, but I believe I heard them shouting ‘there he is’). I ran under an overpass and turned to face the pack that was chasing me, but there was nothing there. Silence, peace and the unsettling emptiness of the void. 

I found myself at a familiar street corner S.O.F.A. South First Street Area in downtown San Jose ( S. First and E. San Salvador). There were beings, several of them, pushing me and calling me names. They were referencing my racial heritage they used every possible innuendo. I felt their hatred, it was the most hatred I had ever felt at one time. As I stood there in the middle of the intersection they where shouting and pushing me. They surrounded me. I felt their hands as they shoved me toward each other. I did nothing. I focused on nothing. I did not fight back and then it stopped. I was standing in my apartment covered in sweat, exhausted, but relieve the fear had passed through me. 

I now know the perpetrators of the horrors I faced that morning. The Nameless where there forcing that fear upon me. They were the ones pushing me. I can almost feel who they were now. I can almost recognize them. I can do this now because they are at it again. I can feel them focusing their fear upon me. It is distinct in that it comes from outside of my self. I can almost sense it’s direction and source. It is not like a panic attack where the source comes from the mind generated by thoughts of known fears, this fear is without substance. Raw fear that allows you to fill in the blanks. 

I recite the litany against fear and focus upon the moment and the fear subsides. I recognize and focus upon the source. I look back at the perpetrator and the are forced to look away. I tell them that karmic retribution is at their door, it comes for them. I apologize, but note that it is not my doing, I am only the witness. 

The past few days, have been heavy with this fear. The Nameless know that I am able to manifest my thoughts in my conscious reality (as you do also). They know that if they can induce fear in me I will manifest my own monsters. Fascinating tactic, they plant the seed and I nurture the beast. 

They do most of their evil deeds when I sleep (radiation, inception). I am most vulnerable at that time, we are all vulnerable at that time. We wake up and the notion of fear creeps into our daily life. We look for it and then we find what we are looking or focused upon. 

They are persistent. Many, many sources. The minions are out in force staring at me from a distance dong their part. Poor soulless souls, slaves to empty promises. The pendulum now swings in the opposite direction. The age of fear is subsiding. I fear they will be lost forever, clinging to the bushes and grasses of this place for several eternities. 

Fear And Loathing in Hawaii

In Hawaii there was one rather large man of Samoan/Hawaiian descent. They would call him to follow me when I left my apartment. It was during the time I was writing me ebook. The fear they induced in me became real when I saw him. As this tactic continued I began to question what I was feeling and I would leave my apartment and then return quickly to an elevated parking garage at the apartment building. I saw him walking towards the apartment talking on the phone and looking for someone. I watched him standing beneath my observation post in the garage. He was waiting for me so he could play his part. The last time I saw him we walked toward each other. As we approached each other I looked him in the eyes and he looked away. He continued walking, nothing happened.

In the recent past they have sent strangers to my door. They just walk up when I am in the garage and try to act friendly in a menacing way. This stopped during my recent year of inactivity and has resumed again. I suspect that they will take it up a notch. I will post those instances here.

Fear As A Method of Control

We hear in America live in a perpetual state of fear. Constantly bombarded by news segments of impending harm, death and debt. We are not safe and there are those that offer resolutions, safety and sanctuary. Noam Chomsky stated that they create the problem then offer their solution. The solution often requires that you give something up in return (civil rights, liberty). The Nameless offer that they will stop this fear mongering if I stop posting on this blog. I can go back to a life free from fear if I give up my right to live my life in any way I choose to. I can not accept their meager offer. I tried to ignore them, but my life stalled in a perpetual loop indicating I had to act. I refuse to live that way.

I have created another phrase by witch I refer to the Nameless. I have called them parasites of consciousness, but it seems the are also bullies of consciousness as well. The offspring (little demons) of their minions are bullies as well, practicing their craft at a young age to be applied in adulthood. Generations of bullies for their cause. Let’s see if I can draw them out from behind the darkness and safety of their anonymity and coax them out into the light for all to see. That’s what this is all about. They were revealed to me some 14 years ago and now I can no longer ignore them.

Fear prevents any significant movement to higher levels of consciousness. Fear interrupts the flow of energy from the heart (heart chakra) to the brain (crown chakra). Fear is the electric fence that defines the prison of this existence. Fear occupies the place where positive emotions can flourish. The evil of the Nameless is based upon fear. Subdue the fear and disarm the Nameless. Often the threat of harm is far more powerful than the harm itself.