Without Time

I recently received a comment from a WordPress user Lander7 on a previous post: The Mandela Effect. I may or may not have replied to the comment in the same vein at which it was given, but it did trigger an interesting train of thought that I never considered before. I want to introduce it in this post and will elaborate on it in later posts as I continue to try and incorporate it into my current experiences and my evolving state of mind.

What if, what some of us are experiencing as premonitions, mis-remembered events or, parallel realities, are slices of a reality without time, or at least a concept of nonlinear time. Something so radical and inconceivable would be difficult to understand and possible bring into question their state of mind. Without linear time how would we be able to function within our current construct and concept of reality? What would happen if we perceived the past, present and future as the same thing? If it were to happen quickly we would lose our current frame of reference and cease to function. But, a gradual change would bring about a significant paradigm shift that we can adapt to.

For someone like myself I have learned to adjust to a changing frame of reference. If you have been following this blog you may know that I struggled with my experiences. I have since embraced that which has brought me so much grief, and because of it I have an evolving relationship with my conscious and unconscious realities that is still difficult for me to explain. For me, a nonlinear time based consciousness begins to make perfect sense right now. More to come…

What Next?

I was helping a family member with some therapy exercises. The tasks were difficult and caused a bit of frustration, laden with anxiety, when they performed them. We persisted and slowed the pace to try to alleviate the difficulties. When we completed the exercises I retreated to my room and felt frustrated and anxious also. I had a distinct tightening in my throat. The next day we began the therapeutic exercises again. As the family member began to encounter the same difficulties as before, I noticed the same symptoms welling up within me again even though there was no reason for me to feel that way. It occurred to me that I might be experiencing sympathetic resonance. If we use the example of a musical instrument such as a guitar, sympathetic resonance occurs when a string is plucked and the neighboring strings begin to vibrate with a harmonic likeness. After a little shallow research on the internet I was lead to sites and articles about Empaths. After some further reading it occurred to me that I may be a Empath or possibly an Empathic Psychic. Discovering this was a very significant emotional event. It felt as if every single memory of significant moments in my life spilled out before my mind’s eye forced into view by a wave of emotions. Clarity washed over me, but also an unsettling question emerged from my gut, “what next?”. That thought began repeating for some time and I even started to say it out loud.

As a child I had vivid conscious dreams accompanied by physical sensations from worlds I had never before seen. It was difficult experiencing and sensing a vivid dream overlayed upon this conscious reality (I still get glimpses of this phenomenon). I wrestled with emotions that I now know were not my own, and not understanding that this was not normal, I was not normal. I started from wide social acceptance during adolescence and then later to a social outcast fueled by abilities I did not know I had. I sought the comfort of self medication which later lead to better understanding of my own physiology and psychology through experimentation. And then, rebooting my conscious mind with psychedelics and seemingly awakening to a level of consciousness filled with people and beings that are bent upon suppressing my conscious expansion. My higher unconscious self has been revealed to be a patient, yet unrelenting Taskmaster, or a tenacious Zen monk constantly cracking me on my shoulder with his shinai, never allowing me to fully drift into complacency. Now it seems I may have always been an Empath, but ignoring those abilities just so I could be normal.

It explains my past and current experiences. It explains my choppy social interactions and why I seek out solitude over fellowship. It explains why I can no longer watch certain types of films, online videos or television programs without experiencing intense emotions of what I see. It answers the question of how I am able to sense coming events. It explains why I have difficulty with one-on-one conversations with strangers, most of them leaving me feeling overtly self-conscious. It explains why I sometimes get confused during conversations as if I am hearing to two radio stations at the same time. It explains why I felt every possible emotion during my psychedelic quest through the void, now understanding they weren’t my own. It explains the many times I sensed people (mainly women of middle age) observing me or attempting to gain my attention and then find them looking at me, knowingly, in a way that seems to indicate we might be the same. It explains why I am under constant surveillance, as if to keep me from being contacted by those observers or others like myself. It explains those conversations with thought forms from destinations unknown I experienced in Hawaii. Why some people I meet take a step back when I shake their hand as if they were caught off guard by an emotion from an external source (this happened, again, when I recently encountered a person with similar abilities through Craigslist, post Combo-Shift – one of ‘the others’). It explains why some people (mostly younger people under 20) stare at me as if I was some new kind of life form. I am amazed that I survived this long not understanding what was happening, what I have become, or possibly what I have always been. Still, I ask “what next?”.

Lately I have been apprehensive to go out into the world. I seem to be bouncing from one level of consciousness to the next on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. It is a lot like going outside not knowing what the weather is going to be like. But, I still venture out eager to see what level I seem to be on. Since I posted “Significance” I feel as if my third eye (cliché) has opened yet squinting to filter all that it is now able to see. As I write this post I remember asking for this. Asking to restore my abilities that I thought were taken from me. So, what next?

Those unseen entities are working overtime. That ever-present feeling of fear pecking at the confines of my inner consciousness. I smell their fear. I sense their desperation. I see weakness. Existing on the leading edge of the expansion of consciousness is such a trying, yet beautiful thing. Every moment I am on the threshold of something that has yet to be, and I can influence its manifestation. So to answer the question of “what next?”. The answer may very well be just about “anything I fucking want”, it seems. They may be able to slow me down, but I am now motivated by something deep within. It animates my physical form. It drags me out of bed before sunrise and now shows me what I need to see. My higher unconscious self is rising from within and I am no longer reluctant to let it be. Satori?

Thank you…

Journal: Significance

Moon waxing gibbous 13.1 days, Aquarius – Air. Time 14:18, planet hours: Venus.

I have to mark this moment as one of particular significance. I will elaborate on it at a later time, when I have taken enough time to understand what has just been revealed to me.

Epiphanic to say the least…

Tool – Fortysix and two

Popular belief dictates that the song title references an idea first conceived by Carl Jung and later expounded upon by Drunvalo Melchizedek concerning the possibility of reaching a state of evolution at which the body would have two more than the normal 46 total chromosomes and leave a currently disharmonious state. The premise is that humans would deviate from the current state of human DNA which contains 44 autosomes and 2 sex chromosomes. The next step of evolution would likely result in human DNA being reorganized into 46 autosomes and 2 sex chromosomes, according to Melchizedek.

Furthermore, it is believed the song references a wish to experience change through the “shadow”; an idea which represents the parts of one’s identity that one hates, fears, and represses, this exists as a recurring theme in the work of Carl Jung.

– Straight out of Wikipedia


Join in my… join in my child
And listen… digging through my old numb shadow

My shadow’s… shedding skin
I’ve been picking… scabs again
I’m down, digging through
My old muscles, looking for a clue

I’ve been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could’ve been
I’ve been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in
I wanna feel the changes coming down
I wanna know what I’ve been hiding

In my shadow
My shadow
Change is coming through
My shadow
My shadow’s
Shedding skin
I’ve been picking
My scabs again

Join in my… join in my child
Shadow’s… closer to meaning

I’ve been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could’ve been
I’ve been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions
I wanna feel the change consume me
Feel the outside turning in
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I’ve endured within

My shadow
My shadow
Change is coming
Now is my time
Listen to my muscle memory
Contemplate what I’ve been clinging to
Forty-six and two ahead of me

I… choose to live and to
Grow… take and give and to
Move… learn and love and to
Cry… kill and die and to
Be… paranoid and to
Lie… hate and fear and to
Do… what it takes to move through
I… choose to live and to
Lie… kill and give and to
Die… learn and love and to
Do… what it takes to step through

See my shadow changing
Stretching up and over me
Soften this old armor
Hoping I can clear the way by
Stepping through my shadow
Coming out the other side
Step into the shadow
Forty six and two are just ahead of me

Journal: Be Careful What You Ask For

It has suddenly occurred to me that I asked for everything that I have experienced.

This emotionally significant thought just occurred to me after some reading and thinking. I remember that I used to say that I could not remember asking for the pain and suffering I have endured. I remember I adamantly stated “who would want to experience a life like this, it doesn’t make any fucking sense to ask for this shit…”. I remember not asking for any of this, but what I wanted most was to ascend, to see the truth and to evolve. I now, feeling a bit giddy, understand that I received exactly what I needed to get me where I am right now.

Abraham was right. The law of attraction is constant and consistent.

Journal: Training Day

What is always a refreshing aspect of my challenge to live a life of freedom within the constraints of this illusion, is the response I receive from my antagonists for my defiant actions. Today I get to bathe in the oppressive electromagnetic radiation for the post I published yesterday concerning the “sonic attack” reported in the news. Their response affirms that my actions were appropriate for my cause.

The robotic nature of the response is something that I have grown accustomed to over the past seven years of escalated attacks since Hawaii. It comes and goes and yet I still have not changed my behavior. There must be some kind of dislocation regarding how time is perceived in relation to this level of consciousness and whatever dimensional reality they exist within. For the past seven years I have evolved, but they have not. This aspect of their behavior has been noted by others as well. I see it as an exploitable characteristic, they are vulnerable if they are incapable of evolving and adapting to change.

At this moment the level of radiation has diminished. My current and consistent acts of defiance may eventually wear them down. In the end, I know I have already won, even if there is no end for my immortal soul…

These are happier times. Remaining in this state of happiness is my most potent weapon. They may have mastered consciousness, but they have not mastered me.

We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment
We are choosing to be here right now
Hold on, stay inside…

This holy reality, this holy experience
Choosing to be here in…
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in…
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion

Alive!

In this holy reality, in this holy experience
Choosing to be here in…
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in…
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion

Twirling round with this familiar parable
Spinning, weaving round each new experience
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing
A chance to be alive and breathing

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember, we are eternal
All this pain is an illusion

Journal: Unconscious Reality

The differences between the reality of my unconscious dreams and my conscious reality are limited. One aspect that has become increasingly evident is that I am much happier in my unconscious realm.

There are instances where I may be challenged, but I often realize that I am unconscious and start laughing as I wake up. These occurrences are rare and often remind me that I need to apply the same reaction in my conscious reality.

I am convinced that the unconscious and conscious realms are one in the same. Events that occur in one realm affect the other. They are more closely intertwined than we allow ourselves to believe. The importance of remembering the events in the unconscious reality cannot be denied.

Characters within the unconscious reality exist either in a formless conscious state or in a corporeal existence within another level of consciousness where they are able to exist together in an unconscious dream state and also in the conscious waking state as apparitions and or extraordinary anomalous events.

What has become an interesting artifact of my unconscious reality is that verbal communication with other entities rarely occurs. I have had similar experiences within my conscious experiences. I do not always hear words, it is more like intercepting or receiving thoughts. It is similar to how thoughts present themselves coming from an external source; like a kind of divine intervention. The majority of these experiences are proximal. I sometimes have to walk around to find the source as if I was moving my cell phone around to be a better signal.

Recent experiences have caused me to question how I perceive my conscious reality. My attention is focused upon which thoughts are my own and which thoughts are due to crosstalk, interference and possible intentional psychic suggestion (not always positive).

I am reminded of my higher unconscious self that I encountered while under the influence of psilocybin in late 1999. I drew this picture after the session ended.

bigbro

My higher unconscious self is my protector, my big brother, my intuition, my sensei, guru and anything similar. What has become increasingly notable is that my unconscious self, being greater than my physical self, has evolved to a point where I (it) can reach back into my current conscious experience and influence and interfere when necessary. The ‘guardian angel’ may very well be a person’s higher unconscious self. I am now better able to differentiate between external (outside of the self) thoughts (thought forms) and those that occur from my greater unconscious self. One particular element is the emotional component of the thought form, coming from the greater unconscious, just feels better.

There are many views and beliefs regarding targeted individuals, mind control and alien agendas and the like. I have no physical evidence that may prove any theory regarding what I experience in my daily life. I can only try to explain the experiences themselves and what I have discovered to combat or understand these experiences. Recently I have been using ancient techniques to alleviate psychic attacks (I thought they were technologically derived). These counter techniques work very well to my surprise. I must admit that I am a bit dismayed. It seems that the topics of myth and folklore (temporal possession, demonic influence) may have a substantial foothold in this realm of consciousness. My past unexplainable experiences are now better understood with my new-found knowledge. My frame of reference has expanded and has given me greater insight into my daily conscious reality. This conscious reality is extraordinarily phenomenal. I wish I could show people how I see this reality.

Still far too many questions, but far less than a few weeks ago.

Event: I saw a Chinese woman standing next to two friends at a local market yesterday. She stood out from all the other customers. As I walked toward her I felt that familiar connection increase. I saw the expression on her face, she was experiencing the same thing I was and looked at me as if she was caught somewhere she should not be. As I walked past her she looked down. As I turned the corner I looked back at her, she was talking to her friends and her friends were looking at me. They then immediately left the store. I am still trying to understand what is happening during those events (clueless).